Pray

Don’t settle for anybody just to have someone. Set your standards. What kind of love do you want to attract? List the qualities you really want in the relationship. Develop those qualities in yourself and you will attract a person who has them - Louise Hay

Being desperate will lead you to a deadly relationship. It's important that you reflect on your intentions to "date"; because if it's just to have a bf/gf because supposedly everyone else has one....then you are in trouble.

Listen, please pray hard, think carefully, get counsel and listen to what you have to say about you; before such a serious decision.

You will be glad you did! ;)

Approaching the Bible in today's modern world

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. - New Living Translation (NLT) 2 Timothy 3:16

Here are a few tips that can help us maintain a healthy vibrant relationship with God through His Word:

1. Pray First: Before reading, ask God to speak to you through His Word and to prepare your heart for what He says
2. Try Different Versions: While its essential to study with the King James Version, its certainly ok to find an easy-to-understand version that best speaks to you - for reading.
3. Listen: Audio versions of the Bible are easy to get too. Listen while you drive, exercise etc.
4. Try a Plan: Pick a plan and stick with it.
5. Dedicate Specific Time: Give God the best of your day, whether that's the first thing in the day, or in the evening, or even the midday.
6. Take Notes: Take notes to write questions or answers that come up as you read.
7. Share: Connecting with others to share what you are learning reveals insights you can't get alone.
8. Keep Going: If you miss a day, don't quit. Simply pick it back up, open your heart and let God continue to speak to you.

No matter what, when you consistently spend time with Scripture, you will grow to know God more intimately and serve Him more intimately and serve Him more faithfully.

Relationships Take Time

I read this and thought you might appreciate it.

 

Some days I think we all have inherited a double dose of impatience. That could explain why so many of us despise shopping, standing in line, waiting in line and mutter when the driver in front of us balks at turning right on red. More than once, you know, we say about each other or sometimes to each other: "Sometimes I just don't understand you at all!" Well, NEWS FLASH, we're not that easy to figure out, either. 

There's so much more we need to learn about growing in relationships. And it takes time.

 

But why is that so exasperating? My guess is it's part of human nature. A congenital hurry-bone of contention inherited from Adam and Eve who started the whole business by eating an apple guaranteed to give them instant knowledge.

 

When we live by the false "faster is better" creed, we lose sight of the contrasting truth: Relationships take lots of time to develop and nurture. They demand long hours and years and even decades of work....and don't forget the money too!

 

But when you stop to consider the alternative, it's clear that relationships are worth the time. Why hurry to give up on trying when you can take your time and nurture a deep commitmment with someone else for the rest of your life?

 

Relationship Builders:

• Have you ever felt that your relationships should be better faster?
• Why is it so hard to be patient as relationships develop?

Family Dynamics

Ah, the complexity of family relationships!  There is something we all have in common: we are all part of a family.  We really had no choice in the matter to whom we were born to or whether we had any siblings.  The greatest encouragement and the greatest discouragement can come from people with whom we have shared a great part of our lives living with.

Take an assessment of your family relationships right now.  How would you rate your intimacy level in the following relationships on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being extremely distant and 5 being extremely satisfying)?

Your parents: ________________
Your siblings: ________________
Your husband / fiancee / boyfriend: ______________________
Your children (if any): ________________________________

Family Builders:

• How can you change the distant relationships?
• How can you model and/or maintain the satisfying relationships?

The Heart of Matter

- Shared by The Maddox's

The Great Commandment: Love the Lord thy God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself. Our primary responsibility in this life is to love God which then allows us to love ourselves and others.

 

Barrier to receiving God's Love: In relationships, the real issue isn't love, it is the condition of our heart. When our hearts are in the right position, love flows automatically. The heart is the vital core of one's being (Proverbs 4:23).

 

The condition of our hearts need to be open, not closed. An open heart feels involved, concerned, connected, emotionally alive, loved, tender and available. When we live a willful life of sin, our hearts become closed and disconnected from God. When a relationship does not feel emotionally safe, our hearts will close and we will withdraw from that person (Genesis 3:10). Other issues might be that we have allowed past hurts to embed themselves in our hearts, and therefore, we have believed the lies that come with it. Or we have willfully chosen to be selfish and proud; rather than selfless and humble.

 

 

Heart Builders:

• How do we address our hearts, if they are in fact closed?
• Choose to live a life that is alive
• Identify what lies are written on your heart (Hebrews 4:12-13)
• Discover God's truth about you (John 8:32); Psalms 139)
• Take what people say and do to us to the Lord and discover His truth
• Give your heart a voice and learn to manage your emotions (Proverbs 16:32)

The Weird Conversation

Ever had to have a weird conversation with a friend?  And because of it weirdness, you do everything you can to put it off, and push it out.

Whether it's confronting an issue or having to ask for forgiveness about something YOU did, or whether it is approaching a friend/sister about a path that they are taking and its clear that they are heading towards a disaster....whatever it is, it's a weird conversation BUT one that must be had.

Depending on the situation of the need for the conversation, one day, you'll both be thankful to each other for having that talk. 

Weird conversations are hard to start off, hard to listen to, hard to process, hard to reflect upon and hard to respond to.  This is why it's called "weird" :)

If your relationship/friendship is built on a strong foundation, then the other person will really appreciate your feedback. 

Ladies, don't get scared or intimidated by the imaginary outcome of these types of conversations. Listen, if a weird conversation must be had, then let it be! 

The intention behind the conversation is all that matters!

Conversation builders: 

• When have you ever had to have a "weird conversation?"
• What kind of strengths or weaknesses did it create for your relationship afterwards?

Getting Out of the Dumps

Ok...this one is not about us, it's about another person....for a change, right?  The question is: how do you help someone else get out of their dump?

I am certain that we all know someone who falls into the category of "being in the dumps".  We all have that friend that is trying to finish a degree or achieve a goal, and is unable to hang out or do the fun things that you used to do together, or that person who is going or has gone through a challenging marriage/relationship, or that neighbor who has suffered a loss, or that family member who just doesn't seem to want to change anything about their current situation, etc, etc...and the list goes on and on. 

Well, as a fellow human being, what do you do for that person? Are you part of their problem or a part of their solution?  Do you keep hammering in the obvious situation, or do you walk them through redemption?  Are you patient with them, when they just want to remain where they are or is your frustration of not seeing them change quick enough taking over your endurance? 

While we may feel that this is something that requires a whole lot of time and commitment, it is in fact a key indication of your commitment to that person, that you are not in the relationship to judge or point fingers, but you are in fact willing to help them get through to the other side.  Whenever that day actually comes.... :)

It takes time, sure it does!  But if you get into it with a timeline or a mental capacity of how much you'll invest in it, then that deadline will keep approaching, hence, your carnal nature will submit to it...naturally!

But on the other hand, if you are willing to walk through the season with that person, they'll totally appreciate you for it in the end.  AND the best part is, you'll ease yourself off of any expectations you have of them, or the stress that comes along with all the emotions involved. Keeping in mind that one day, you'll also need the sentiment....

Be good, ladies... :) I'm trying too :)

Friendship Builders:

• What challenges are your friends/neighbors/family members/co-workers facing for which your encouragement would provide a boost?
• What are two practical things you can do this week to encourage someone?

Slow to Anger

What happens inside of us when someone criticizes us? I know for me, the first impulse is to defend myself; especially if I think my actions were justifiable, ... right?  While turning the tables on our "attacker" is natural, it is also potentially dangerous to our relationships (any type of our relationships that we have).  This is how daily everyday events quickly turn into major blow-ups.

The Difference Between Relationship And Friendship

Ladies, I'd like to know your thoughts on this... :) Specifically, the bold section at the bottom. *******************

What is the difference between a close friendship and a close relation? Most of us believe that when friendship becomes stronger, it may turn into relationship. The truth is different. Think about the kind of talk you have with your friends. You are always very open about your failures and shortcomings. You are not shy of talking about your problem and asking friends to help. In a close friendship, you expect to know everything about each other. How about a relationship? Think about animals. They also show their best side to their mate. We human beings keep lot of secrets away from our partner. We do not want to tell about our failures and shortcomings. We also try to impress our partner when we are in romance. This difference between friendship and relationship is very deep. We calculate our moves in a relationship but are very open in a friendship. We are like a child in friendships but behave like an adult in relationships. If you remain inside your boundaries in a relationship and not try to change it into a close friendship, you will have longer relationships. Telling all does not help in relationships. Share your thoughts at arighteouswoman@ymail.com or on the comments page on this blog...

Time to Slow Down

The most relaxed relationships enjoy what we call periods of fallow time. "Fallow" means to lie dormant, or idle, and it's a concept that has been applied in most situations. In Biblical times, farmers would use a rotation system of seven-year periods to revitalize their fields. For six years, they would plant and harvest, but during the seventh year, the field was allowed to lie fallow. The fallow year was a time to replenish and nourish. We need to build this concept into our various relationships (marriage, soon-to-be-married, family, friends, co-workers, new friends etc). After we fill our minds with information and fill our days with activity, we need to make an effort to provide some fallow time and space for our closest relationships. But a sabbatical every seven years won't do the trick! (smile, please).... Instead, you need to include fallow time every now and then....to spend some quality time, seeing the sunset / sunrise, hanging out, going shopping, without any particular purpose or agenda in mind. To find fallow time, you'll most likely have to cut out some other activity or commitment. But when you take the step, you'll find that it'll help you connect and build more on your closest relationships.

Relationship Builders:

• What adjustments can you make in your schedule to have "fun" times with your friends, family or new acquaintances?
• What benefits to your relationships might come from adhering to a regular "fallow" time together?

The Hard Work of Waiting

Have you ever found yourself somewhere you weren't supposed to be? Or working somewhere and doing something that you didn't intend to be doing, @ this point in your life? This can be a very frustrating place to be, and it truly can affect our attitudes.

As I searched the scriptures for answers, I began to notice how distorted my attitude had become. I was focusing on my past accomplishments and the ministry I hoped to have. Why has God put me on hold? Why aren't I doing what I want? Did I hear God then? Are my desires now, totally off?

Moses had the best educaiton and training that was available in his day, yet he found himself a few years later out in the desert tending sheep. To the obvious, he was doing a job that he was clearly over-qualified for. For 40 yrs, he tended a flock that belonged to someone else....Have you been there?

We could look at this period of Moses' life as a waste of time, but in reality, it was a time of transition and preparation. Unknown to him, he was learning the ways of the desert, the ways of surviving in the heat and sand, because he was going to re-visit the desert again....years later (and for a much longer period).

I wonder how often, when he later led the children of Israel through the wilderness, he must have looked back at that earlier tiresome period and seen its value. It prepared him for leadership, endurance, in ways the best schools in Egypt couldn't have.

Ladies, we have the responsibility to pursue what God wants to teach us during this time of seeming inactivity. Our usefulness is not contingent on our education, our family or our possessions, but is dependent on our willingness to be used in whatever surroundings the Lord places us in.

Waiting Builders:

• When has your relationship with God encountered a "desert" period? How did you respond in that situation?
• What positive consequences can you identify as a result of going through a dry or difficult time in your life?

Exodus 2:11-3:10

Relationships

A story of a relationship between a man and a little bit over 4,000 people is told in Matthew 15:32. The story is so simplistic yet it depicts a lot about the kinds of relationships you and I experience daily (or try to experience…or even avoid experiencing). Relationships are tough! They are by choice and every one of us chooses the relationships that we have. We decide which ones to invest in; which ones to hold on to; which ones to patch up; which ones to let go of; which ones to disregard; which ones we don’t even bother with, etc…the list goes on and on. The bottom line is that all the relationships we have are based on our personal choices. When you walk with someone for a little while, it’s only natural to see the different hats they wear; the different faces they carry; the different moods they have. The more time we spend with someone, the more we are introduced or invited into their world – and vice versa. And this is usually where the choice is challenged. Are you going to let them into your life? Are you going to let yourself into theirs? How much compassion are you willing to have with the people that are around you? Compassion is an inward affection, a form of mercy, a tender heart towards someone. The Encarta dictionary defines compassion as sympathy for the suffering of others, often including a desire to help. Webster’s dictionary defines it as a sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it. This exact trait is a strong key into another’s heart; thereby allowing you to offer sympathy and/or empathy. One of the important parts of a committed relationship is that you don’t hesitate to give something of yourself; AND sadly, a lot of us flop in this area. We should always take something good away from every relationship (no matter the outcome). Realizing that no perfect person exists is a great perception that will keep you committed in staying close to someone. You can freely persevere through a friendship or abide with a person; knowing that their/your destination is ahead. It also helps not to be bitter or unforgiving, if things don’t turn out quite as expected. Jesus said in Matt. 15:32 that He wouldn’t send the multitude away fasting (hungry, without food); lest they faint in the way. This is a very significant statement. It’s as if Jesus was so empathetic with the people for walking with Him for so long already (3 days) that He was worried about their well-being, more than why they were following Him in the first place. Unbeknownst to them, what He offered them was the reason why they were drawn to Him anyway. They needed sustenance, strength, hope and faith; and they received that and MORE! Think about this - How many people are connected to you? Do you know why they are so attracted to you? Are you able to give them a bit of what God has put inside of you; so they can gain some hope and strength for their own personal journeys? Our relationships are not always about how it feels to us; but it’s also about how the other person can grow from your legacy, your way of living, your outlook on life. Ladies, if you see something in someone that you feel needs some attending to, please attend to it. Don’t be selfish. Don’t say “that’s someone else’s job” or “that’s someone else’s ministry”. You might actually be EXACTLY what they need to make it through their next crossroad in life. Selah… (Meditate on this)

Invite Him In

There is a famous scripture that many people have heard in the context of an invitation to know Christ, as Savior. Rev 3:20 (Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in)". God does not force Himself upon us. He is quite a gentleman :) He knocks, and waits for us to ask Him in. There is an initial step, the first step of this, which we call salvation. We hear Christ knocking and we open our hearts to Him as Savior. It is the first turning. But the principle of this "knocking and waiting for permission to come in" remains true, well into our Christian life. We all pretty much handle our brokenness in the same way - we mishandle it. It hurts too much to go there. So we shut the door to that room in our hearts, and we throw away the key....but that does not bring healing to our souls, not at all. It might bring relief - for a while but never healing. Usually, it orphans the little girl in that room, leaves her to fend for herself. The best thing we can do is to let Jesus come in, open the door and invite Him in to find us in those hurting places. He knocks through our loneliness, through our sorrows, through events that feel too close to what happened to us when we were young - a betrayal, a rejection, a word spoken, a relationship lost, He knocks through many things in our lives, waiting for us to give Him permission to enter in. The question is, will you let Him heal you? Will you give Him access to your broken heart?

Religion vs Relationship

Ever talk to someone about the Lord and they want nothing to do with the very mention of God/church/or church folk? Ever wonder why? Most of the time, the reason why we get this kind of reaction from people is either because they have had a bad experience with church or because all their lives, that is all they've heard and they are just about sick of it. The main reason why you hit a roadblock here with certain people is because they have either never had a relationship with God or they once did and have now lost it. What they really remember is a religious experience. Religion will kill us. Anything that you do out of routine will eventually tire you and wear you out. You’ll hang in there for little minute but soon thereafter, you’ll get bored, uninterested and fed up. On the other hand, relationships sustain us. Anything that you invest in, and an investment is reciprocated towards you, will encourage you. It’ll persuade you to do more and it’ll give you confidence in that relationship. In other words, when you are in a relationship with someone, anyone; you give your part and the other person gives theirs. And sometimes, the other person goes the extra mile! In a human relationship, we definitely see this happen. In a spiritual relationship with our heavenly Father, all God requires of us is our worship - our heart, our devotion, our adoration; and He does the rest. He blesses us, keeps us, protects us, provides for us, and fights on our behalf. Religion = formality, rituals, rules and regulations, going through the motions, day-in day-out living, same routine. Relationship = full of surprises, selfless, new, original, fresh and exciting, brings joy, allows you to be yourself.