Guard your heart

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23, NLT).

When we read this, we may take the scripture to mean something that God had never intended. Because we have been hurt, we guard our hearts by building walls and not letting people get too close. We keep people at a distance as we put one hand over our heart and stick one hand out to avoid being hurt again.

To guard our hearts the way God intended is to protect something from entering and prevent something from escaping. God wants us to protect our hearts from anything that can come in and contaminate our soul and ruin our life: offense, bitterness, unbelief, pride, etc. All the bad and unhealthy stuff. 

He also gives us the responsibility to guard our hearts by keeping His Word hidden in our hearts. Jesus said, “He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him” (John 14:21)

Guard your heart

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23

What does it mean to guard your heart and how do you do it?

It means to forgive others who may have hurt you, to let go of any anger, offense, bitterness and resentment toward another that you may have and to release their hurtful behavior or words they may have spoken to you.

It means being mindful of what you think about.  Our minds and heart are intricately connected because what we think about affects our inner spirit and heart.  We are to think about things that are pure and right and heavenly.

It also means watching what we take into our minds.  What we read and see over and over again will eventually make it’s way into our spiritual and emotional heart.  

Reading the Bible on a regular basis will help to get God’s truths into our inner being. 

Guard your hearts..

Fugitive of a Hardened Heart

It has been my prayer throughout reading this book that we would all come to see jealousy as a symptom of a broken heart.  Somewhere, we have come to believe the lie that our God is not trustworthy in His justice towards us.  The fallout of the untruth is that we cannot believe that God loves us, because our idea of His goodness has been skewed by life's difficult and inexplicable circumstances.

This scripture gives us the reason for our blindness in seeing the glory of God in our own lives:
Hebrews 12:14-15 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

We can make the false assumption that the secret sin of jealousy is contained to our thoughts, hidden away from others.  Scripture assures us that this is not the case.  The moment we detect the bitterness of jealousy entering our thoughts, we must take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.  If we do not, we are in danger of not seeing the Lord. We must intently examine our thought lives, to ensure there is no place for a bitter root to grow.

Heart Builders:

• How has jealousy made you fugitive, either as its perpetrator or its victim?

Exerts from our book - Living with Unmet Desires

A Pure Heart

Jesus is the most controversial figure in the history of mankind.  We all have a sinful nature that does not allow us to see the wisdom in His teachings. We need to be made new; we need to be given new eyes for answers to those familiar patterns in us that lead us down a path of destruction.

Jesus spent much of His ministry teaching radical new ideas. Ideas that seem downright unbelievable because they are so contrary to what our culture says is the way to live life.  On a windy moutainside, Jesus proclaimed what would become known as the Beautitudes - eight pathways of death to our fleshly desires that would bring us the abundant life He promised to this who love Him. 

Matthew 5:8 (New Living Translation) - God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.

Ladies, a pure heart is a heart that is not haughty.  Pride and arrogance will prevent us from seeing God and knowing His will. 

Extracts from Page 126 - Living with Unmet Desires

The Heart of Matter

- Shared by The Maddox's

The Great Commandment: Love the Lord thy God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself. Our primary responsibility in this life is to love God which then allows us to love ourselves and others.

 

Barrier to receiving God's Love: In relationships, the real issue isn't love, it is the condition of our heart. When our hearts are in the right position, love flows automatically. The heart is the vital core of one's being (Proverbs 4:23).

 

The condition of our hearts need to be open, not closed. An open heart feels involved, concerned, connected, emotionally alive, loved, tender and available. When we live a willful life of sin, our hearts become closed and disconnected from God. When a relationship does not feel emotionally safe, our hearts will close and we will withdraw from that person (Genesis 3:10). Other issues might be that we have allowed past hurts to embed themselves in our hearts, and therefore, we have believed the lies that come with it. Or we have willfully chosen to be selfish and proud; rather than selfless and humble.

 

 

Heart Builders:

• How do we address our hearts, if they are in fact closed?
• Choose to live a life that is alive
• Identify what lies are written on your heart (Hebrews 4:12-13)
• Discover God's truth about you (John 8:32); Psalms 139)
• Take what people say and do to us to the Lord and discover His truth
• Give your heart a voice and learn to manage your emotions (Proverbs 16:32)

What a friend!

One of the greatest gifts God has given us as His children is His Holy Spirit!  Think about it! How many people do you know that you can call a friend, a counselor, a comforter, and advocate, an intercessor, a standby?  Do you know anyone that you can call all that? The truth is that the Holy Spirit wants to be that friend to each and every one of us...everyday!

He wants to help us have a good life....and enjoy it too.  He wants to strengthen us in hard times,  and comfort us when we're sad or grieving.  He also wants to listen to us when we need to talk...fight for us when we're weak..pray for us when we can't....I mean, who wouldn't want a friend like that!

With all that is going on in this world, He simply wants to give us the power to get through the situations we face victoriously.  He also wants to work in us to change us for the better from the inside out, so we can maintain victory in our everyday lives..

Be thankful for the Holy Spirit in your life!
- Joyce M

Unfinished Business

Everyone, knowingly or not, comes into a relationship with the hopes that their significant other and their relationship will heal past wounds.  That's the unfinished business we bring to the table, unfortunately. Many of us carry wounds from our childhoods, and sometimes, as it happened to me,  the wounds manifest later, and later in life.

Growing up with the challenges that I had to face, and I am sure some of you had to also, or maybe you are still facing them; I recognized my heightened need for trust.  I found myself fearful of the end, or waiting for something to fall apart, or unconsciously yearning for uncertainty. 

Listen, there are no quick fixes to these issues that we deal with (these unfinished businesses), but God is the healer of all wounds.  If you give God the time, and your heart, He will fix you and restore your ability to trust again.  I'm not talking about the kind of trust that comes with the tiny bitty undertone feeling that someone is out to get you, to hurt you or to destroy you.  I am talking about the kind of trust that doesn't rely on human.  The kind that if human does fail you (and they will), that you don't automatically run into a cave and push blames or blame yourself for letting your heart go this far again blah blah blah, ....and then you start orchestrating ways to avoid people, avoid relationships, avoid commitment etc.... and before you know it, you end up old, bitter, mad and sad!

Ladies, if we don't deal with these issues, and attack them head-on; I'm sorry to say but we will continue to live a trust-less, fearful, lonely, dissapointed, controlling, depressing, .....life.  God desires us to be free, and full of liberty.

AND THE CHURCH SAID "AMEN"! :)

Trust Builders:

• What "unfinished business" have you inherited from your parents or relatives?
• How can you become strong in that area of weakness?

Sticking it out

So ladies, as you know, I hardly ever write about marriage, as I like to encourage women in general. But forgive me on this one :), I needed to put this down... Hopefully, we can all take something from it.

There is woven into the fabric of marriage a sense of something ongoing.  One woman, one man, together for a lifetime, right? But somewhere in the beginning, in between, somewhere along the journey, we adapt to some reasoning that as couples, we do not have to be "communicating" or having fun or constantly setting goals together.  We literally live single lives in a married home. We accept that all it takes is that we have to be together - and intend to stay that way.  This is faithfulness to each other and to God, according to feelings and whatever guards we have set up. 

Unfortunately, too many times, and too many people have been deceived to think that marriage should not be fun or fulfilling, or entertaining.  The dissapointment sets in when we get married and deep down inside, we know that we know, that things should not be this way, and should be vibrant...but we can't do anything about it...so we take it for what it is.  Or we bail out of one marriage and keep searching and find even more frustration with another marriage setting. 

As I read through scriptures, I see teachings on joy, yes, joy - the kind that flows with obedience, submission, tenderness, love, compassion, sensitivity, service (to each other), from glimpses of the Holy God.  God wants us to do that which glorifies Him - to be faithful, to keep His commandments, to love and cherish our spouses/fiancees (not just doing the works, but actually loving each other deeply). 

Sticking it out means being faithful, and out of faithfulness there is peace. It's being tender, and out of tenderness, there is reciprocity, joy and love. I see too many couples these days with a lack of tenderness...and it really breaks my heart because marriage really should be founded on Godly perspectives, should be fun, has to be loving and something to boast about.

Married ladies out there, please.....stick it out - let this be our first principle!

Marriage Builders:

• What are the challenges you are facing as a wife/fiancee as you try to be faithful to God?
• What challenges are a part of faithfulness in your relationships?

A Letter to a Young Woman

http://blog.ransomedheart.com/stasi/2011/04/a-letter-to-a-young-woman.html by Stasi Eldredge

A friend’s daughter is turning 16 and asked a few friends and family members to write her a (short) letter about their memories of being sixteen and perhaps a little advice…here’s mine. I dedicate it to all the young women reading this…whatever their age.


Dear Beauty,
Sweet Sixteen! What a milestone! Hooray for you! On my sixteenth birthday, I got my driver’s license. Now that was sweet. Sixteen is a year of transition and wonder and enlargening circles and increasing freedom and more deeply stepping into the lovely young woman you are.

When I was sixteen, most of the girls I knew had entered into the fray to attract a boyfriend. A date. An invitation. A kiss. A something. (Is it the same for you?) An intangible grid shifted in too many hearts around me (including mine) which gave an enormous amount of weight to the young men while robbing it from the young women. What did “he” think, say, do, ask? Those were the engrossing questions. What had begun in elementary school, increased to obsession in middle school, and became defining in high school. Girlfriends were sacrificed on the altar of “I’ve got a boyfriend, now.” Friendships that may have lasted for years were set aside in the interest of a relationship with a boy that may have lasted barely a few months or even days. You know it happens.

Something internal inside of too many of us handed away our self worth to the cutest boy who made our heart skip a beat. Yikes. When I was in high school, I accepted this. It can be a girl thing. This valuing boyfriends above girlfriends thing.

But you are not a girl. You are a self possessed, loved, and cherished young woman. Still, you are living in a world of girls. So guard your heart. Who you are is the most valuable treasure you possess. Be vigilant against handing away your self worth to anyone else. Male or female! You matter! Your heart matters! I still have girlfriends from high school. But…not any boyfriends. Friend boys. Yes. Boyfriends, no. (My most important friend boy from high school is now my husband!)

There is only One who can tell you to the core of your being who you are. And He has spoken and He continues to speak. Through creation, through His Word, and through the life, death, and triumphant resurrection of His Son. You are priceless. You are immeasurably loved. And nothing and no one can ever change that!

Enjoy being 16! Soak it in! There is the temptation to “rush” it…to rush life in the looking forward to the all that is coming. But I encourage you to savor it. Relish it. Stay in it. Be present to your own life and to the stage you are in; the glorious, wonderful age of sixteen!

Happy Birthday, dear heart! You’re marvelous.
Your Aunt Stasi

Living with Unmet Desires - Week One

What is Jealousy?
Envy, covetousness, resentment, suspicion, distrust; jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself; mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims; vigilance in maintaining or guarding something; a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood: to be zealous, in a bad sense or envy; to create, to procure, jealousy, as of a husband, or an enemy, malice, emulation, envy, fervent mind, indignation (annoyance) to be hot and fervent.

 

According to our workbook (Living with Unmet Desires), jealousy is defined as the following things:

 

• Symptom of a broken heart
• Symptom of a deeper heart issue
• Unbelief that beckons jealous thoughts through the doors of our heart
• We are unable to think well of others
• Pure devastation in our relationships

 

The four core issues of a jealous heart:

1. God, can I trust you? This question is not do I trust you, its can I? This is much more personal. It’s like telling God that you have heard of all the great things that He can do and has done, but can you trust Him with your life? Specifically, you! Trust is a big issue for us because we have been broken and burned so many times that our trust radar is always up and on alert. We just cannot afford to go through one more hurt, right? We play this game with God as if he is just a regular friend of ours; which we share a secret with or some story and we start off like that… friend, can I trust you with this?

 

Trust defined: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something: one in which confidence is placed

 

If we cannot place our trust in God, then we cannot believe anything that comes from Him. Trust and faith are joined together. They are both something that you cannot rely on your own strength for.

Our trust in God is something the enemy would LOVE to steal from us…. Psalm 22:9 tells us of when our need for trust began and with whom. Exercise on lower page 14 is what happens when our trust in someone is broken. These emotions that we feel is something that the enemy is looking for…because when we feel alone, rejected, and confused…then, he decides to come in with the lies.

  

2. God, do You love me? – LOVE – have to have it, right? This is something that most, if not all of us, yearn for…single, married, dating, whatever…. We all want to love, and to be loved.

 

5 different types of love:
Eros is a passionate love, between a man and a woman with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "(romantic) love". However, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.

 

Phileo, which means friendship in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philia denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers. It is as the affection between two people drawn together in a relationship based on common interests.

 

Agapē means "love" in modern day Greek. It is the unfailing, selfless love that every single one of our hearts longs for. Agape is used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. The verb appears in the New Testament describing, amongst other things, the relationship between Jesus and the beloved disciple. This kind of love always considers the other person’s interest. The only way we can love this way, is if we are empowered by the Holy Spirit.

 

The problem with this is that we come to God with the understanding of what we have experienced love to be from the world…because that’s all we know. And so when God tells us He loves us, we have a hard time grasping the concept.

 

Storge means "affection" in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family.

 

Thelema means "desire" in modern Greek; it is the desire to do something, to be occupied, to be in prominence.

  

3. God, are You good? The question in the book is “what do you do when the person who we believed has disappointed us the most in the area of being good to us is God Himself? This is a great question! Then the other part of this question deals with the presence vs the presents of God. Is God good only when we get things from Him or is He just a good God all together? How much do you and I equate the goodness of God with our personal happiness and comfort?

 

4. God, are You just? You know we look at our lives and compare it to the lives of others and we start asking God if certain things are fair….are they just… etc.

Read 1 Sam1:1-8

 

Making the choice to leave the pit. How do we get out of it? With God’s help, of course. First we need to recognize who God is, and secondly, examine our feelings and emotions…and see if they agree and accept God for who He is.

 

This is the battle in our minds.

Self Builders:

• Are you honest with yourself that you have once in your life asked one of those 4 questions?
• What has been the outcome?

Invite Him In

There is a famous scripture that many people have heard in the context of an invitation to know Christ, as Savior. Rev 3:20 (Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in)". God does not force Himself upon us. He is quite a gentleman :) He knocks, and waits for us to ask Him in. There is an initial step, the first step of this, which we call salvation. We hear Christ knocking and we open our hearts to Him as Savior. It is the first turning. But the principle of this "knocking and waiting for permission to come in" remains true, well into our Christian life. We all pretty much handle our brokenness in the same way - we mishandle it. It hurts too much to go there. So we shut the door to that room in our hearts, and we throw away the key....but that does not bring healing to our souls, not at all. It might bring relief - for a while but never healing. Usually, it orphans the little girl in that room, leaves her to fend for herself. The best thing we can do is to let Jesus come in, open the door and invite Him in to find us in those hurting places. He knocks through our loneliness, through our sorrows, through events that feel too close to what happened to us when we were young - a betrayal, a rejection, a word spoken, a relationship lost, He knocks through many things in our lives, waiting for us to give Him permission to enter in. The question is, will you let Him heal you? Will you give Him access to your broken heart?

The Heart of a Woman 3

If on one side of the spectrum, we have the hard, rigid, controlling and dominant woman...then on the other side, you'll find the desolate, needy and far too vulnerable woman. DESOLATE WOMAN She is naive, lost, and bereft of any sense of self. She falls under the abuse of a bad man and does not have the will to get herself out. She is quick to give herself over to an untrustworthy because she is desperate to be loved, and typically ends up heartbroken. She buys/reads books like "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them", and "Women Who Love Too Much" and " Co-dependent No More"! She is consumed by the hunger to be in a relationship. Sadly, she also tends to hide her true self. She is certain that if others really knew her, they would not like her, and she definitely cannot risk losing that relationship. She hides behind the counter when an attractive man walks in to a cafe, a shop etc...and might also hide behind big reading glasses. She wears baggy clothes, and keeps her hair frumpy - because certainly, these will not draw attention to her...since she believes she is not worth paying attention to. She can also be a busy woman that hides behind "there is so much work to do". She is kind, funny, intelligent and bright...yet timid and afraid. She spends some, not most, but some of her time camped out in front of the TV. She declines invitations to go out. She is wounded and heartbroken in some ways, and finds comfort in sitcoms and snacks. She is too insecure to enter into the real world, and chooses to hide from it instead; but ventures out occasionally to attend classes and restock her food supply. She hardly speaks up at a Bible study, PTA council or any kind of meetings. She stays busy at family gatherings and parties she can't avoid. She'd rather go to a movie than out to dinner with a friend. She does not initiate sex with her husband..ever! She dismisses every compliment and hides behind her make-up and humor. She does not make any major decisions. She hides with angry silences and punishing withdrawals. She hides her true self and offers only what she believes is wanted, what she believes is safe. She acts in self-protective ways and refuses to offer what she truly sees. She does not risk rejection or looking like a fool. She has been wounded and wounded deeply...and chooses to hide to remain safe, thereby hurting less. This is not an extremity that'll do us any good. It does not please God. When we hide, something precious is lost - something the world needs very much. We also lack fellowship with others, and lack sharing any pain, dissapointments and hurts that we personally face. We end up taking matters into our own hands and don't return to God with our broken and desperate hearts. The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles (Psalm 34:17)

The Heart of a Woman 2

A dominating woman, as we are finding out, is one that unconsciously desires to be seperated from her femininity, so that she can control the fate of the man in her life, and thereby secure her own fate. This trait often morphs us into the CONTROLLING WOMAN! CONTROLLING WOMAN She does not trust anyone else to drive her car, or help in her kitchen, or speak at (HER) church retreats or meetings, or carry something for her, or make a decision that she prefers to make herself...she does not want you to suggest a different dress, or agenda, or restaurant, or route. She travels alone and rooms alone. She plans perfect parties for her children. According to the book (Captivating by Stasi Eldredge*), this type of woman may appear to be a good mom, or a good friend but what they are really doing is arranging other people's lives...because secretly, they want to take all the credit. Controlling women are the sort of women who live for others. She tends to be very well rewarded, and often receives corporate promotions. She is often put in charge of women's ministries and huge projects. She is the ultimate CAN-DO, BOTTOM-LINE, GET-IT-DONE kind of woman! Although this attitude gives us a rush of perfection, unfortunately, by living a controlling and domineering life, we are really refusing to trust God. And it has also never dawned on us that something precious in us is lost. Something the world needs very much. Selah... (meditate on this) Captivating by Stasi Eldredge - http://www.ransomedheart.com/p-207-captivating-paperback.aspx

The Heart of a Woman 1

I have been reading a book called Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge - and the beginning was a bit challenging for me because it seemed a little boring and predictable. I loved the husband's writings so much that without the writer identifying themselves, I could tell who wrote each part of the book! The wife's writings were good too but it seemed to me that she had already gotten to her point and had reached her maximum at the first couple of chapters of the book. Nevertheless, I continued reading, as I MUST finish everything I start...(another problem of mine :) Anyway, the more I read, the more I fell in love with the wife's writings...and it kept me engaged. The book reveals the "unveiling of the mystery of a woman's soul". The writers focus on the strength of a woman, the essence of a woman, and the need of a woman. As a part of this book, Stasi goes on to talk about the different challenges or different encounters we have had as children or even as adults that has shaped our thinking, and our mentality. Often times, she will bring in characters from movies that possess certain personality and strengths. And then she ties them in to how we have become attached to these personalities that we watch, and how it has affected the very essence of the heart of God, which is the heart of a woman. Over a few weeks, we will talk about the different types of women that are discussed in this book. It certainly was an eye opener for me, as I could identify with some of these traits. For example: DOMINATING WOMAN: This woman is sharp, sophisticated, and incredibly controlling. She handles crisis by dominating the people around her. She needs no one, she is in charge and on top of things. (Stasi says that some of us might even admire this trait). She knows how to get what she wants. This might be a good thing if we know how to control the rush but it could be terrible, if we go to the other extreme; which is, that there is nothing merciful about a dominating woman. She is not tender at heart, and certainly not vulnerable. She has essentially forsaken every essence of her femininity. She has forfeited her femininity for masculinity! A woman who has fallen in some area of her life will pick up such an attribute. She will decide from the start that she will be the controller of all her relationships, and will never be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure a relationship, she will kill every desire for intimacy, just so she is safe and in control. She becomes a woman "who does not need anyone - especially a man". According to the book, how this plays out over the course of her life, and how the wounds of her childhood shape her heart's convictions are often a complex story, one worth knowing. But beneath and behind it all, she dominates and controls her relationships because she fears intimacy and fears her own vulnerability. This, to such a woman, would seem a perfectly reasonable way to live. Please ladies, know that this self-protective way of relating to others has nothing to do with real love, and nothing to do with deeply trusting God. It is our own gut-level response to a dangerous world. Consider this: whatever is not from faith is sin (Romans 14:23 NKJV) To be continued......