Why do people quit on us?

We work in different firms/organizations/companies etc and we see different people come and go. And you wonder why folks don’t stay in a business long enough, and why they quit. There are a few reasons: Untrustworthiness: First of all, working with someone we don’t trust is a miserable experience. We lose the trust of others; when we act inconsistently in what we say and do, seek personal gain above shared gain, withhold information, lie or tell half-truths, and become closed-minded. Trust is like a mirror; when it’s shattered, it can be pieced back together again, but the cracks are still quite obvious. Incompetence: Secondly, the way to inspire confidence in people is not with charm or charisma, but with competence. When a leader is incompetent, she takes the focus off the organization’s vision and values, and places it onto her own behavior. If people working for an incompetent leader have a high degree of skill, they continually worry about their leader messing things up. If they don’t have experience, they won’t know what to do. Either way, productivity, efficiency and morale suffer. Insecurity: Lastly, good leaders do two things; a) they develop other leaders and b) try to work themselves out of a job. Insecure leaders never do that. On the contrary, they do not want to train people to reach their potential and be more successful than they are. In fact, they don’t want them to be able to succeed without their help. Anytime someone who works for them rises too high, they actually see it as a threat. People want to work for leaders who fire them up, not put out their fire. If they perceive that their leader is more concerned with maintaining their authority and protecting their passion, they’ll eventually quit and find someone else to work for. A man who has friends, must himself be friendly – Proverbs 18:24 NKJ No matter how good a leader you are, you’ll eventually lose people. When the relationship is over, you’ll go one way and they’ll go another. Sometimes, the decision may be difficult to understand and subsequently, you’ll try to cling on to them and control them. When you can’t do that, you’ll be tempted to cut them off, isolate and criticize them. If you are this type of leader, there is good news! You CAN do things to make yourself the kind of leader people want to be around, and when the time comes for them to leave, they’ll do it looking back with joy. Six principles: 1. Take responsibility for your relationships with others. When a relationship goes bad, initiate action and try to make it better 2. When people leave you, do an exit interview with them. This helps you discern if you are the reason that they’re leaving. If so, swallow your pride, apologize and take the high road with them 3. Put value on those who work with you. It’s great when people believe in their leader; and it’s even greater when their leader believes in them! 4. Put credibility at the top of your leadership list. You may not always be capable as there are times when every leader finds herself way in over her head BUT, you can always be trustworthy 5. Recognize that your positive emotional help creates a safe and secure environment for people. Therefore, think positively, practice right conduct towards others, and follow the golden rule 6. Maintain a teachable spirit and cultivate your passion for personal growth. Keep learning so you can continue leading!

The scars of your life

It is very difficult to comprehend the things we go through. As different as our journeys are; one similarity that we hold is that we all somehow, someday have experienced trials and hopefully, some victory. It is however, hard to picture how we could have walked that dark, evil path of life. Sometimes; often times, I think back on some things that happened in my life, and I honestly cannot ever grasp how I was able to come out of that dark place. How I am able to look at myself today and really say that I am free. It is positively, absolutely, entirely by the grace of God. To take it further, our life experiences are for the freedom of others. There are people that you can reach that I will never be able to reach or register with their pains and sufferings. Why? Because your particular path of life was designed to save some. And so was mine! We’ve discussed before about how our individual lives are unique and custom-made for each one of us. In other words, each area of disappointment/hurt will bring joy to someone else’s life. Now, I will not make the mistake of assuming that those past hurts did not hurt. I know they did and probably still have certain effects on us. However, the more we stay in that space, the more hurt we are and the less liberated we’ll get; and ultimately, the more we unconsciously continue to glorify those painful instances. Have you ever talked to someone about something in your life and how you got set free from it? ……have you noticed how it brings hope to them? Because to them, if you made it, they certainly can too! If you are ready to walk in freedom and wholeness; start talking, start helping someone else get free, start proclaiming the good work that God has and is doing in you. AND if you are ready to walk in complete deliverance; get into a place of intimacy with God and see Him move in you and change you! The scars of your life will bring joy to someone else

Create Boundaries

When we look to anyone other than God to meet our needs, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Relationships work best when you establish boundaries and a budget up front. Ask truthful and honest questions like. “Where does this person belong in my life? How much am I prepared to invest in them?” These questions are very essential. WHY? Because life is too short to be spent straightening out misunderstandings, hurt feelings and damages egos. If you’re wise, you’ll avoid any relationships that leave you drained and leaves you asking. “How did I get into this?” When keeping somebody happy means shortchanging the purposes of God in your life and losing your joy, then you’re overdrawn on your budget. When somebody needs too many phone calls, dinners, loans, or any other form(s) of attention, it’s definitely time to draw the line. DO NOT allow anyone to cater to the “need to want/need someone in your life”. You have only so much time and energy. Good stewardship demands that you invest you life where there is the greatest return. When people who are too needy demand more than you have the ability or the right to give, you have got to do one of two things: 1. Renegotiate: Bankrupting yourself to make them feel good might sound dignified, but its not! Bankrupt people end up with everything from nervous breakdowns to extramarital affairs because they are overspent. At this point, prayer, a good counselor, and some good ol’ fashioned tough love may be what you need. 2. Sometimes you have to walk away! In Isaiah 50:7 (NKJV), Isaiah said: “I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed.” Make up your mind to let no one stand in the way of doing what God has called you to do. Your first calling is to please the Lord, not others.

Cast your burden on the Lord

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you – Psalm 55:22 When worry comes knocking on your door, stop it on the porch or it’ll move right in and live in your house. Give all of your weight, worries and concerns to the Lord, for you are His personal concern. God cares about the things that worry you and prey upon your thoughts. He cares about them more than you do. Not one nagging, aching, worrisome, gut-wrenching, blood-pressure-raising thought escapes His notice. He watches over you day and night. What qualifies as a worry? Simply anything that robs your joy, anything that you cannot change, anything you are not responsible for, anything that you cannot control, anything that torments you, anything that deprives you of sleep; all of THAT needs to be transferred from your worry list to your prayer list! The Bible tells us: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace” – Ph 4:6-7 (NLT). Give each worry, one by one, to God. The more you practice this, the more exciting your walk with Him will become. God is able to handle it, He is willing to handle it, and He is waiting for you to give it to Him. You’ll be amazed at how easily He handles those things that overwhelm you. If you desire to live a worry free life, then keep casting your burdens on the Lord until it becomes a habit, as natural to you as breathing.

Great Things Every Woman Needs to Remember

Hey Righteous Women, Sometimes, we tend to forget who we are and what we are capable of. We spend a whole lot of our time caring and doing for others that we lose track of our own needs. Well, if and when you get to these moments, here are a few things to remember: • You are stylish, beautiful, absolutely deserving and fabulous, creative, nurturing, and able to do anything you put your mind to. You are one of a kind, somebody's hero and so much more! • It’s time you believe in yourself, trust your instincts and listen to your gut because you are incredibly intelligent. • You work hard and deserve more recognition than you get • The world relies on people like you • Don’t forget to treat yourself with kindness • You are the best and most important friend you’ll ever have • You matter! Don’t put yourself down - compliment yourself • You are never alone, you can always ask for help • Friends can help make any situation better • What goes around come around, including all the good deeds you’ve done for others over the years • Hold on to your old friends, they are the ones you know the best • Nobody’s life is without challenges and hardships, bad days and even worse days, but everybody gets a shot at new days and second chances • You have great thoughts and ideas and they should be taken seriously • Always keep working towards your dreams….no matter how out of reach they may seem because you can do anything you set your mind to. Pursue your interests….even if no one you know shares them. Don’t let setbacks and disappointments discourage you – you have untapped reserves of inner strength • It’s ok if the house isn’t clean…take a break when you need one • Rushing around gets you nowhere fast. You can – and will – check off every item on your list…even if it takes a little more time than you like • Preserving your sanity is more important than meeting a deadline • Oh, and its ok to turn up the radio when a good song comes on • Sleep in, and do absolutely nothing. It’s a fantastic way to unwind • Having pretty things makes life more pleasant • Your mental health is just as important as your physical health...life is too short to worry • Don’t settle for “good enough”…keep learning, growing and changing • Eat pie for breakfast if you want to. Eat your fruits and vegetables, but have a little chocolate sometimes, too :) • One of my very good friends taught me this: it’s ok to say no; even when you’re afraid it’ll hurt someone’s feelings • Money does not buy happiness…the most important thing in life is love • Love your body…it’s the only one you’ve got. • Crying is a totally healthy and normal thing to do. Try is sometime • Floss, wear sunscreen, get your annual physical, relax, enjoy yourself, check your cholesterol, dance, laugh at life, balance your checkbook and put some money away for yourself. • Excess is bad, moderation is good • You CANNOT do everything by yourself • When it’s a yucky day, go shopping • You are a rare wonderful person, YOU ARE LOVED!

Abuse and its effects

Abuse is the misuse, excessive use or improper use of a person or objects; for example, abuse of money, abuse of authority, abuse of position etc. When the abuse is of a person, everyone involved suffers. Abuse is all about power. Once it’s gained, it’s extremely powerful. “The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.” ~ Edmund Burke The 4 major types of abuse are: Sexual, Emotional, Mental and Physical Sexual abuse is “rape, sexual assault or sexual molestation wherein the active person forces themselves onto the abused which may be of the same or opposite sex and of any age.” It is also referred to as molestation, that is, the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. In the event of sexual abuse, especially abuse that spans a period of time, the victim tends to experience feelings of loss of control over their own bodies and their own lives. Although there may not be any physical signs of sexual abuse – with the exception of rape, where bruises and tears may occur - there are behaviors which may indicate an occurrence of sexual abuse: • Attempts to be unattractive • Abnormal sexual knowledge • Radical mood swings • Sense of danger where he/she lives • Change in eating habits (bulimia, anorexia, or compulsive eating) • Inappropriately seductive • Apparent boredom w/age peers and age appropriate activities • Nightmares, insomnia, sleepwalking and other sleep disturbances • Radical change in school performance for better or worse • Fearful about certain people • Over achievement • Depression, crying episodes, etc. • Angry, hostile or aggressive behavior • Fear of adult or adolescent • Fear of being photographed • Anxiety reaction to authority figures • Fear of undressing or refusal to undress in gym class • Intense efforts to gain attention/affection from adults • Suicidal thinking, gestures, and attempts • Fear of nurturing/withdrawal/impaired ability to trust • Self-mutalative behavior • Self-hatred • Memory loss • Runaway • Fear of the dark • Find reasons to not be with someone they used to spend time with (or any change of behavior toward a friend or family member) • Unable to concentrate, daydreaming, 'spacing out', 'in a world of their own' • Withdrawn, isolated, or excessively worried • Nervous or fearful around adults, in particular, men • Imaginary friend(s) Victims may also react by feeling that sex and acts of sex are “dirty, wrong and unhealthy” and will avoid all intimate contact with others or they may feel that they must use sex as a way to express emotions such as love, acceptance and caring and will become involved with various sexual acts, often times developing into deviate sexual behaviors. In addition, victims of sexual abuse will need counseling in order to learn coping mechanisms for the feelings of being out of control and the attitude regarding sex and intimacy. Emotional abuse is defined as “the humiliation of a person’s feeling so that he/she perceives himself as inept/hopeless, uncared for and/or worthless.” Often times parents, caregivers or teachers will say things regarding a child's behavior, performance or skills that will make a child feel that they are “no good,” “useless,” “stupid,” or “good for nothing.” These words, whether said to a child, an adolescent or even to an adult, can harm the ego, self-esteem and self-worth of a person. Victims of emotional abuse develop feelings of shame, embarrassment and guilt as they feel they are a bother or a burden to those around them. These feelings often lead to depression, isolation and suicide. Although emotional abuse leaves no physical injuries, the damage done to the mind, heart and spirit can be extremely extensive. Emotional abuse is characterized by the abuser’s manipulation and invalidation of his or her partner. Here is a list of warning signs to be aware of: Abusive Expectations: Makes unreasonable demands; Requires constant attention, or that you spend all your free time with him/her; Constantly criticizes; No matter how much you give, it never seems to be enough. Aggressing: Calls you names, accuses, blames, threatens, or gives orders; Can be disguised as “helping” or “teaching”; Judgmental “I know best” attitude. Constant Chaos: Deliberately starts arguments and may be in constant conflict with you or with others; Treats you well in front of others, but changes into a different person when you’re alone together, or vice versa; May enjoy “drama,” because it creates excitement and brings the focus back onto him/herself. Denying: Denies your personal needs, especially when that need is greatest, and does so with the intent of hurting, punishing, or humiliating you; Denies that certain events occurred or that certain things were said; Refuses to listen or communicate (silent treatment), and withdraws emotionally; Denies your perceptions, memory, and sanity; Disallows or overrules any viewpoints, perceptions, or feelings that differ from his/her own; Causes you to lose confidence in and question your own perceptions and feelings; Causes you to doubt your most powerful survival tool: your own mind. Dominating: Manipulates the relationship so that the only feelings and opinions that count are his/her own; Must have his/her own way, and will hurt your feelings if necessary in order to get it; Holds you personally responsible for his/her own happiness; Disregards your personal standards or beliefs, and may try to persuade you to do things that you don’t want to do. Emotional Blackmail: Plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, religious values, or other “hot buttons” to get what he/she wants; May threaten to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, give you the “cold shoulder,” or use other tactics to control you. Invalidation: Seeks to distort your perceptions of your own world; Refuses to or fails to acknowledge reality in order to create his/her own false reality; If you tell your partner that you felt hurt by something he/she did or said, he/she might say, “You’re too sensitive. That shouldn’t hurt you”; Or, the abuser might turn it around by saying, “You hurt me too sometimes. I just don’t say anything because I’m understanding.”; Suggests that your emotions and perceptions are faulty and can’t be trusted; Any time your own feelings are disregarded or denied, invalidation has occurred. Minimizing: Says things like “You’re exaggerating” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”; Trivializes by suggesting that something you have communicated is inconsequential or unimportant. Unpredictable Responses: Acts angry or upset in a situation that normally would not warrant such a response, or gets angry certain times but not others; Blows up or gets angry at you over innocent comments you made; You feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around him/her; Has drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts; Likes something you do one day, but hates it the next. Verbal Assaults: Berates, belittles, criticizes, threatens, or calls you names; Subtle to blatant use of sarcasm and humiliation; Constantly finds flaws with you; Makes fun of you in front of others, or in private.

Emotional abuse often starts out very subtly, and progresses gradually over a period of time. Abusers are master manipulators, and can deceive even your friends and family – as well as their own. Trust your own feelings and perceptions. Mental abuse, also referred to as “mind games” is when one person uses another person’s insecurities, phobias and fears to “force” another to do what they wish. Withholding various items, feelings, affection, or personal and physical needs such as food, sleep, water, comfort, warmth and elimination in order to make one person do another’s command is also a means of mental abuse. Examples of mental abuse include a husband withholding children in order to force a woman to have sex with him; not allowing someone to go to sleep in an attempt to get them to confess to something or share information; not allowing a person the use of bathroom facilities due to inappropriate behavior; or forcing someone to deal with a fear – such as one of spiders or snakes – as punishment. The effects of mental abuse include depression, emotional withdraw, social isolation, self-mutilating behaviors, extremely low self esteem, addictions to drugs and alcohol, excessive anxiety, sleep disorders, or suicide. Group Questions: 1. What are some signs that you have noticed, that are forms of abuse - in your life? How have they affected you? 2. Have do you respond to those “red flags”? Are you more aware now or not?

Read and consider: If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway. If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful. If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over. If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you. If you dress sexy, he says you're too fast. If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad. When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him. If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it. If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him, If you don't, he says you don't trust him. If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're nagging. If he brings up a problem, he yells. If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted". If he breaks it, it's because "he had to". If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you up. If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.

How accurate is our mental image of ourselves?

What we see in the mirror can be different from what others perceive when they look at us. When you look at yourself in a mirror, what you see depends on the quality of that mirror. Similarly, our mental images of ourselves help determine how we react to daily highs and lows of life. If we think of ourselves as worthwhile and valued, that quality will come across to other people. Molded by both internal and external forces, our self-image makes a huge difference in how we feel and act. Think about how you would describe yourself to a stranger. Would you emphasize your keen sense of humor or physical features you're fond of? Or would you spend more time on supposed "trouble spots?" Your answer largely depends on your mental image of yourself. Why does it matter how you see yourself? Keeping our bodies healthy through proper diet and exercise improves how we feel physically and enhances our quality of life. Our mental wellness is equally vital for attaining personal fulfillment. A healthy state of mind fosters a positive self-image, which then encourages balanced relationships and sound decision-making skills [source: American Psychological Association]. But a healthy body and mind don't operate independently -- we should nurture both because they affect each other. In a study of teenage girls' self-image, participants who rated themselves as socially unpopular were 69 percent more likely to gain weight than those who considered themselves popular [source: Psychiatric Annals]. What are the elements that create our self-image? Focus often turns to how we compare our bodies to ideal physiques. But body image is just one part of the complete picture. Our personal experiences, relationships, choices and attitudes all contribute to the whole. It's essentially how we evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, as well as how we define our character. http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-image.htm