Hello, Self!

Ever being introduced to yourself?  What I mean is, have you ever had to have a real one-on-one conversation with yourself? Day in, day out, we put in a lot of hours doing what we think is right, but really, it is what others want for us.  Unfortunately, this isn't something that is usually discovered at an early age; we can go on for years and years, struggling and doing everything possible living out someone else's dreams and expectations. 

At what age do we realize that not only are we  dissatisfied with the way our lives are going, but we are also frustrated that we haven't done anything that we actually love and enjoy.

I shared in one of our group meetings that for about 17 years, I was led to believe that I was going to be some type of an Engineer.  The only part of the puzzle that was up to me, was to choose what field of engineering I was going to focus on. I decided to go with Chemical Engineering.  I really didn't know what that meant, all I know was that it sounded serious and prestigious.  In addition, my brother was majoring in Computer Engineering so it was perfect! 

Growing up, my brother and I were 1st and 2nd in everything, literally (simultaneously). When we had school-wide results, my brother scored 1st, and I scored 2nd.  This was our reputation all the way from primary school (1st grade) until secondary school (high school).  So, the level of achievement that I had gained really motivated me to stay focused in my engineering dream.  AND..my dad was really proud of us, so that was even better. 

Well, when I was 18yrs old, good ol'fashioned reality started sinking in when I started junior college (Laney College, Oakland).  I took Pre-Calculus and that wasn't bad at all...it was actually ok.  My brother and I were in the same class, we had the same study group, same tutor etc. With all my energy and efforts into the class, I got a B as my final grade...pretty good for me.  The next semester, I took Calculus 1.  It started getting testy. I couldn't stay focused, I hardly knew what the instructor was talking about, the math language was not making sense etc.  I couldn't get by an assignment without at least 4 hours a night of studying.  As a final grade, I barely made it...but ended up wtih a C (which was a breakthrough in itself).  But when I enrolled for Calculus II, I knew that if I couldn't handle the class, then possibly, this was not my field.  Things were really hard at this point, and to make things worse, if I was going to be a Chemical Engineer, I needed to also take Calculus III!!!!!!!!!

HUGE DECISION POINT...

So, I had an intervention with myself. I remember praying to God to help me get through those ridiculously hard classes.  And as I was praying, I saw myself come out of myself...and turn around and face me.  This was the first day I was introduced to myself.  It was pretty sureal!  I saw then that the only reason I was so stressed out with ife and having a hard time with my classes was because I never had ANY DESIRES whatsoever to be an Engineer. I loved people, loved talkng to people, loved walking people through life challenges and changes, loved studying behavior etc...and none of that was the job description of an Engineer.  I then realized that all my 18, 19 yrs, I was acting out on the expectations of someone else. None of those Engineering desires were mine!  No wonder I was getting really hard on myself when I didn't get something right!  

That was the day that I vowed never to be anyoone else, because no one else would be me! I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I was determined to focus on that and that alone.  The burden of expectations were lifted off and buried far away from me. I waved goodbye to my old self and said hello to my new-found self.  The person who God had put many other great things in.  It was great to be me, and not a version of someone else's me.

Ladies, examine your hearts and see if you are truly walking out your own desires or someone else's.  As women, we have 1000 + 1 things that the world, our spouses, our families, our friends already have planned-out for us...so it's really important that somewhere within us, we are fulfilling our own plans. And if you are unable to see or carry out your own vision for your life, then, let's talk deeper.  If you are up to it, please contact me (@ arighteouswoman@ymail.com) and we can discuss some key things, and pray together.  Time is too short to find out 10yrs from now that you have done absolutely nothing with your life but done a whole lot for someone else's life.

Self Builders:

• Do you know what things make you happy? Are you doing those things?
• If not, what adjustments or changes do you need to make to accomplish the vision and destiny for your life?