Faith - Short & Sweet

Faith comes by hearing …and hearing by the word of God. Faith is the means by which we hear and receive from God. By means: is the form of transportation of something from one place to another. It could be by bus, car, air etc. It is the revolution of something from one realm/location to another. Faith is our transformation power that moves us from one spiritual territory to another. It is our key for change! Posted by Alice (a fellow RW)

How to prevent breast cancer

Q: Why is breast cancer usually found near the armpit? A: Some time ago, I attended a Breast Cancer Awareness seminar and I asked why the most common area for Breast Cancer was near the armpit. My question could not be answered at that time.This e-mail was just sent to me, and I find it interesting that my question has been answered. I challenge you all to rethink your every day use of a product that could ultimately lead to a terminal illness. As of today, I will change my use. I showed it to another friend going through chemotherapy & she said she learned this fact in a support group recently. The leading cause of breast cancer is the use of anti-perspirant. What ??? Yes, ANTI-PERSPIRANT!! Most of the products out there are an anti-perspirant /deodorant combination, so go home and check. Deodorant is fine, anti-perspirant is not! Here's why: The human body has a few areas that it uses to purge toxins; behind the knees, behind the ears, groin area, and armpits. The toxins are purged in the form of perspiration. Anti-perspirant, as the name clearly indicates, prevents you from perspiring, thereby inhibiting the body from purging toxins from below the armpits. These toxins do not just magically disappear. Instead, the body deposits them in the lymph nodes below the arms since it cannot sweat them out. Nearly all breast cancer tumors occur in the upper outside quadrant of the breast area. This is precisely where the lymph nodes are located. Additionally, men are less likely (but not completely exempt) to develop breast cancer prompted by anti- perspirant usage because most of the anti-perspirant product is caught in their hair and is not directly applied to the skin. Women who apply anti-perspirant right after shaving increase the risk further because shaving causes almost imperceptible nicks in the skin which give the chemicals entrance into the body from the armpit area. Food for thought….

Happy Mother's Day

TO ALL THE GREAT, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL - NATURAL & SPIRITUAL MOTHERS OUT THERE, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU! A Mother ' s Love Her love is like an island in life ' s ocean, vast and wide A peaceful, quiet shelter From the wind, the rain, the tide. ' Tis bound on the north by Hope, By Patience on the West, By tender Counsel on the South And on the East by Rest. Above it like a beacon light Shine Faith, and Truth, and Prayer; And thro ' the changing scenes of life I find a haven there. Author Unknown

God’s Little Notes

• Don’t let worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case • Some people are kind, polite and sweet spirited until you try to sit in their pew • It’s easier to preach 10 sermons that it is to live one • When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there • Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever • God himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you? • Peace starts with a smile :) • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous • Don’t put a question mark where God puts a period! • God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called • God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage • The will of God never takes you to where His grace will not protect you • If God is your co-pilot, swap seats! • Prayer: don’t give God instructions, just report for duty! • Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain • The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him/her

Anxiety and Worry

Anxiety and Worry are both attacks on the mind intended to distract us from serving the Lord. The enemy also uses both of these torments to press our faith down, so it cannot rise up and help us live in victory. Some people have such a problem with worry that it might even be an addiction. If they do not have something of their own to worry about, they'll worry over someone else's situation. If you constantly worry about something, you'll never enjoy the peace that Jesus died for you to have. It is absolutely impossible to worry and live in peace at the same time. Peace is not something that can be put on a person; it is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), and fruit is the result of abiding in the vine (John 15:4). Abiding relates to entering the "rest of God" spoken of in Hebrews 4 as well as other places in the bible. There are several words in the Bible that refer to worry, depending on what translation you are reading: words like "fret not", "take no thought", "be careful for nothing", "cast all your cares"..etc. Webster's dictionary defines worry as: to feel uneasy or troubled, to cause to feel anxious, distressed, a source of nagging concern, to torment oneself with disturbing thoughts. One definition that really hit home for me: to seize by the throat with teeth and shake or mangle, as one animal does another, or to harass by repeated biting and snapping!!! Now, this is definitely an attack from Satan upon the mind. There are certain things the believer is instructed to do with the mind, and the enemy wants to make sure that they are never done. So the intention is to keep the mental arena busy enough with the wrong kinds of thinking so that the mind never gets around to being used for the purpose for which God designed it. Worry certainly never makes anything better, so why not give it up? When worry comes, speak the Word of God out of your mouth. It is a two-edged sword that must be wielded against the enemy (Hebrews 4:12, Ephesians 6:17). God has given us His word, use it! Counter the enemy's attacks with the same weapon that Jesus used: THE WORD!

Atmosphere

As women, we ought to be diligent in maintaining a life of holiness and righteousness. We will not be perfect, but we can give 110% towards it. In everything we think, say or do; we need to be led by the Holy Spirit. We need to be careful that we do not create an atmosphere that will cause us to fall into any form of temptation. Temptation is defined as the act of tempting; enticement or allurement; something that tempts, entices, or allures; the fact or state of being tempted, especially to evil; a cause or occassion of enticement. Temptation comes to distract you, and to cause you to fall off. If we choose to entertain it, it'll destroy us. It'll change everything, get you off course, and move you further and further away from your destiny. The bible tells us in Luke 4:13 that after the devil tempted Jesus, he left him until the next opportunity came. That tells me that the devil is not capable of creating a temptous situation for us, but he is however waiting and hoping that we will, so he can in fact tempt us. The enemy does not have any power over us. He can only tap into a condition that he is allowed into. Righteousness is a way of life, a choice in living, a decision for your lifestyle. If you decide to do it, you'll continue to strive towards it!

Writing as a skill

As a writer, I often go through periods where I don't write anything. Sometimes I want to write, but I lack the inspiration. Sometimes I have nothing to write about, so I do a lot of reading instead. And then, sometimes I feel hopeless because I have not written anything in a little while. BUT, then I remind myself that these are all regular emotional ups and downs of any writer. I have found though (with age, I guess), that writing all the time does not validate you as a writer. It certainly is a plus, but not THE plus! On the contrary, the "dry spells" that we experience are a part of the creative process. Of course when you start writing, it is exciting to keep doing it but the test is when you cannot or when you will not or when you do not want to write. Writing is a lifetime skill. Once a writer, I believe, is always a writer. How often you do it, will depend on where you are (emotionally), what you see (physically/spiritually), and your state of mind (mentally).

Dealing with a LET-GO

Have you ever been faced with a situation where you had to make a difficult decision that was going to affect you/your family/your loved ones and/or your future? Have you ever had to let someone go OR have you found yourself a result or the product of a let-go? I've been there a few times but I just had another revisit. I just recently had to face a very tough decision like that (of letting someone go) and although it was hard, it was well needed. In fact, I felt a huge burden released off my shoulder because without my knowledge, I had been emotionally abused by this for years and had been completely blind to it (in this particular situation, that is). It took me until maybe a few weeks ago to see that this abuse had been a huge stronghold in my life. I had no idea that there was still some of that going on in me. But I thank God that He is faithful to bring it to the surface and graceful to show me an exit plan. Letting someone go or being a product of a let go is just not something that is tackled in the natural. You also NEED to apply a spiritual seal to your natural decision. Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. The spiritual seal is not to physically remove you from that situation/person but it is to emotionally seperate you from its effects and dangers. It also prepares you for the natural encounter with the person involved or the conditions around it. Know that every battle you face is not yours, but the Lord's. You are not alone in this. If you try to conquer what I like to call mulitple tiny demons, by yourself, it'll eat you up and make your physically and emotionally sick. Realize that you are a spiritual being, working with the Holy Spirit inside of you; therefore, let God fight your battles. Let your daddy handle it! Letting a negative person/situation go is a healthy process but go a step further and put on your spiritual armor so you can be ready for the natural encounter! Pray for me, as I pray for you on this one...cos you know its not gonna be easy! :)

Walking in Alignment

Purpose: Our conduct being pleasing to the Lord Observation: Watching for distractions, obstacles and assaults Balance: Going forward with discernment and determination Action: Step by step, decision by decision, choice by choice DEFINITION: What does it mean to walk in the Spirit? It is walking spiritually with purpose, observation, balance and action. It is keeping our eyes upward and winning the tug of war to be led by the Holy Spirit rather than allowing our soul to rule over our choices and decision. It is a process of our souls learning to relinquish control and let God take charge of our lives. Always remembering, that we are His work in process! Some things that may cause our souls to want to rule over our choices and decisions are:

• Desperation
• Discouragement
• Fear
• Pride
• Being in the wrong relationship
• Being in covenant with a person that is unequally yolked
• Our own insecurities
• Control
• Having someone else think for us
• etc....

REASON: Why do we walk in the Spirit? It allows us to experience intimacy with the Lord, which releases His power in our lives so that we can fulfil our destiny in Christ - Jeremiah 29:11. There are certain things that can deprive us from this:

• Fear
• Self
• Comparison i.e. we compare ourselves with others
• Pride
• The lack of .....
• etc...

APPLICATION: How do we walk in the Spirit? We walk daily, watchful and vigilant, step by step, listening for His voice with purpose and thanksgiving; therefore, choosing to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit instead of the desires of our flesh. Some choices that we have to make in order to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit are:

• Restraining ourselves
• Self-Control
• Choosing to overcome

Ladies, know that each step we take and make are small beginnings to greater things in life. If we choose to make the step, God will meet our feet. _____________________________________ RSVP to arighteouswoman@ymail.com if you'll be joining us for the May 8th outing. More information to follow.

Bank Account

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. ‘I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. ‘Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. ‘Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ...it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away… Just for this time in my life.’ Getting older is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my memory bank as I am still depositing. 'Remember these five simple rules to staying happy:1) Free your heart from hatred, 2) Free your mind from worries, 3) Live simply 4) Give more, 5) Expect less..

Get Ready!!

This morning (Monday, April 5th) I woke up well before the time I set on my alarm, from a vision the Lord showed of me preaching a message of salvation. A message I honestly wish I had this past weekend! There was this fire in me as I laid there waking from my sleep, still seeing myself before a crowd and at my co-workers desks with the message "Where will you spend eternity?", tied in with a theme related to life insurance. Nothing fancy, but every word and scripture just dropped from my mouth with a confidence, passion, power and sense of urgency to those before me. Something changed in my faith and confidence this weekend. Perhaps what began in me over the last month with Helen and now my grandfather passing, met a breaking point through serving this weekend to GET READY! An opportunity I believe was a set up from God, from the moment I said "sure I'll help" when asked by Pastor Patrick, my first Sunday back after Helen's passing. Never realizing that God was up to something until last Wednesday when Pastor David asked me to share with his class about the play... since I was participating in "a big role". Big role? Me? No, I'm just "helping out" is what I was thinking (apparently my comfort zone word). Yes, my mind did emerge from the fog when initially asked to realize it was an important role, but BIG...wow, a change in words put it in perspective. Salvation is BIG! Leading people to Christ is why we live. I don't have to feel you in on the details! But you trusting me, supporting me, stretching me, pouring into me, being patient with me, praying for me, believing in me, encouraging me, all did something in me. There's a healing taking place in me that I can't even put my finger on. There's a boldness rising in me, preparing me to be ready at all times. There's a new level of personal commitment to Christ that I received from this weekends Beautiful Cross Ministry. The anointing from the play was so great! I don't know how many people where saved, healed, recommitted or delivered this weekend. But I do know this...by the grace of God and His power in me and you, many more will be! Through Shiloh and the commitment I woke up to this morning. I believe He has released a grace for me to touch the nations in a powerful way with the gospel of Jesus Christ; starting now, in my everyday life. I pray His message of triumph will resonate boldly through my life, my faith, my words and my deeds. Thank you! Posted by RW - Treva

Be Suspicious of Suspicion

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person – 1 Corinthians 13:7 I can honestly say that obedience to this Scripture has always been a challenge for me. I was brought up to be suspicious. I was actually taught to distrust everyone, especially if they pretended to be nice, because they must want something. In addition to being taught to be suspicious of others and their motives, I had several very disappointing experiences with people, not only before I became an active Christian, but afterwards as well. Meditating on the components of love and realizing that love always believes the best has helped me greatly to develop a new mindset. When your mind has been poisoned, or when Satan has gained strongholds in your mind, it has to be renewed according to God’s Word. This is done by learning the Word and meditating (pondering, muttering to yourself, thinking on it) We have the wonderful Holy Spirit in us to remind us when our thoughts are going in the wrong direction. God does this for me when I am having suspicious thoughts instead of loving thoughts. The natural man thinks, “If I trust people, I’ll be taken advantage of.” Perhaps, but the benefits will far outweigh any negative experiences. Trust and faith bring joy to life and help relationships grow to their maximum potential. Suspicion cripples an entire relationship and usually destroys it The bottom line is this – God’s ways work; man’s ways don’t. God condemns judgment, criticism and suspicion, and so should we. Love what God loves and hate what He hates. Allow what He allows and disallow what He disallows. A balanced attitude is always the best policy. That doesn’t mean that we are not to use wisdom and discernment in our dealings with others. We don’t have to throw open our life to everyone we meet, giving every person we encounter a chance to crush us. On the other hand, we don’t have to look at everyone with a negative, suspicious eye, always expecting to be taken advantage of by others. Trust God completely and man discreetly! Extracts from “Battlefield of the mind” by Joyce Meyer

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes it’s hard to say how you feel And then it’s tough to explain what you really feel Is just plain simple But there comes a time when all you can do is say it; just how it is The dangers of being this open is that the other person sees you for whom you truly are The benefit of the matter is that you are released off the burden What’s more important anyway? Your honesty or their state of shock! Both play an important role and it’s necessary to experience both The way I see it There is a strength and a weakness in both Thought brings forth action Action brings forth fruit Just as long as the thought process is sorted out and the activity of the issue is practically practical It is a rollercoaster ride, I’ve heard some say It swirls & turns & twists & spins The kind of ride that makes your insides turn The kind of ride that brings forth freedom!

Why do people quit on us?

We work in different firms/organizations/companies etc and we see different people come and go. And you wonder why folks don’t stay in a business long enough, and why they quit. There are a few reasons: Untrustworthiness: First of all, working with someone we don’t trust is a miserable experience. We lose the trust of others; when we act inconsistently in what we say and do, seek personal gain above shared gain, withhold information, lie or tell half-truths, and become closed-minded. Trust is like a mirror; when it’s shattered, it can be pieced back together again, but the cracks are still quite obvious. Incompetence: Secondly, the way to inspire confidence in people is not with charm or charisma, but with competence. When a leader is incompetent, she takes the focus off the organization’s vision and values, and places it onto her own behavior. If people working for an incompetent leader have a high degree of skill, they continually worry about their leader messing things up. If they don’t have experience, they won’t know what to do. Either way, productivity, efficiency and morale suffer. Insecurity: Lastly, good leaders do two things; a) they develop other leaders and b) try to work themselves out of a job. Insecure leaders never do that. On the contrary, they do not want to train people to reach their potential and be more successful than they are. In fact, they don’t want them to be able to succeed without their help. Anytime someone who works for them rises too high, they actually see it as a threat. People want to work for leaders who fire them up, not put out their fire. If they perceive that their leader is more concerned with maintaining their authority and protecting their passion, they’ll eventually quit and find someone else to work for. A man who has friends, must himself be friendly – Proverbs 18:24 NKJ No matter how good a leader you are, you’ll eventually lose people. When the relationship is over, you’ll go one way and they’ll go another. Sometimes, the decision may be difficult to understand and subsequently, you’ll try to cling on to them and control them. When you can’t do that, you’ll be tempted to cut them off, isolate and criticize them. If you are this type of leader, there is good news! You CAN do things to make yourself the kind of leader people want to be around, and when the time comes for them to leave, they’ll do it looking back with joy. Six principles: 1. Take responsibility for your relationships with others. When a relationship goes bad, initiate action and try to make it better 2. When people leave you, do an exit interview with them. This helps you discern if you are the reason that they’re leaving. If so, swallow your pride, apologize and take the high road with them 3. Put value on those who work with you. It’s great when people believe in their leader; and it’s even greater when their leader believes in them! 4. Put credibility at the top of your leadership list. You may not always be capable as there are times when every leader finds herself way in over her head BUT, you can always be trustworthy 5. Recognize that your positive emotional help creates a safe and secure environment for people. Therefore, think positively, practice right conduct towards others, and follow the golden rule 6. Maintain a teachable spirit and cultivate your passion for personal growth. Keep learning so you can continue leading!

The scars of your life

It is very difficult to comprehend the things we go through. As different as our journeys are; one similarity that we hold is that we all somehow, someday have experienced trials and hopefully, some victory. It is however, hard to picture how we could have walked that dark, evil path of life. Sometimes; often times, I think back on some things that happened in my life, and I honestly cannot ever grasp how I was able to come out of that dark place. How I am able to look at myself today and really say that I am free. It is positively, absolutely, entirely by the grace of God. To take it further, our life experiences are for the freedom of others. There are people that you can reach that I will never be able to reach or register with their pains and sufferings. Why? Because your particular path of life was designed to save some. And so was mine! We’ve discussed before about how our individual lives are unique and custom-made for each one of us. In other words, each area of disappointment/hurt will bring joy to someone else’s life. Now, I will not make the mistake of assuming that those past hurts did not hurt. I know they did and probably still have certain effects on us. However, the more we stay in that space, the more hurt we are and the less liberated we’ll get; and ultimately, the more we unconsciously continue to glorify those painful instances. Have you ever talked to someone about something in your life and how you got set free from it? ……have you noticed how it brings hope to them? Because to them, if you made it, they certainly can too! If you are ready to walk in freedom and wholeness; start talking, start helping someone else get free, start proclaiming the good work that God has and is doing in you. AND if you are ready to walk in complete deliverance; get into a place of intimacy with God and see Him move in you and change you! The scars of your life will bring joy to someone else

Create Boundaries

When we look to anyone other than God to meet our needs, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Relationships work best when you establish boundaries and a budget up front. Ask truthful and honest questions like. “Where does this person belong in my life? How much am I prepared to invest in them?” These questions are very essential. WHY? Because life is too short to be spent straightening out misunderstandings, hurt feelings and damages egos. If you’re wise, you’ll avoid any relationships that leave you drained and leaves you asking. “How did I get into this?” When keeping somebody happy means shortchanging the purposes of God in your life and losing your joy, then you’re overdrawn on your budget. When somebody needs too many phone calls, dinners, loans, or any other form(s) of attention, it’s definitely time to draw the line. DO NOT allow anyone to cater to the “need to want/need someone in your life”. You have only so much time and energy. Good stewardship demands that you invest you life where there is the greatest return. When people who are too needy demand more than you have the ability or the right to give, you have got to do one of two things: 1. Renegotiate: Bankrupting yourself to make them feel good might sound dignified, but its not! Bankrupt people end up with everything from nervous breakdowns to extramarital affairs because they are overspent. At this point, prayer, a good counselor, and some good ol’ fashioned tough love may be what you need. 2. Sometimes you have to walk away! In Isaiah 50:7 (NKJV), Isaiah said: “I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed.” Make up your mind to let no one stand in the way of doing what God has called you to do. Your first calling is to please the Lord, not others.

Cast your burden on the Lord

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you – Psalm 55:22 When worry comes knocking on your door, stop it on the porch or it’ll move right in and live in your house. Give all of your weight, worries and concerns to the Lord, for you are His personal concern. God cares about the things that worry you and prey upon your thoughts. He cares about them more than you do. Not one nagging, aching, worrisome, gut-wrenching, blood-pressure-raising thought escapes His notice. He watches over you day and night. What qualifies as a worry? Simply anything that robs your joy, anything that you cannot change, anything you are not responsible for, anything that you cannot control, anything that torments you, anything that deprives you of sleep; all of THAT needs to be transferred from your worry list to your prayer list! The Bible tells us: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace” – Ph 4:6-7 (NLT). Give each worry, one by one, to God. The more you practice this, the more exciting your walk with Him will become. God is able to handle it, He is willing to handle it, and He is waiting for you to give it to Him. You’ll be amazed at how easily He handles those things that overwhelm you. If you desire to live a worry free life, then keep casting your burdens on the Lord until it becomes a habit, as natural to you as breathing.

Great Things Every Woman Needs to Remember

Hey Righteous Women, Sometimes, we tend to forget who we are and what we are capable of. We spend a whole lot of our time caring and doing for others that we lose track of our own needs. Well, if and when you get to these moments, here are a few things to remember: • You are stylish, beautiful, absolutely deserving and fabulous, creative, nurturing, and able to do anything you put your mind to. You are one of a kind, somebody's hero and so much more! • It’s time you believe in yourself, trust your instincts and listen to your gut because you are incredibly intelligent. • You work hard and deserve more recognition than you get • The world relies on people like you • Don’t forget to treat yourself with kindness • You are the best and most important friend you’ll ever have • You matter! Don’t put yourself down - compliment yourself • You are never alone, you can always ask for help • Friends can help make any situation better • What goes around come around, including all the good deeds you’ve done for others over the years • Hold on to your old friends, they are the ones you know the best • Nobody’s life is without challenges and hardships, bad days and even worse days, but everybody gets a shot at new days and second chances • You have great thoughts and ideas and they should be taken seriously • Always keep working towards your dreams….no matter how out of reach they may seem because you can do anything you set your mind to. Pursue your interests….even if no one you know shares them. Don’t let setbacks and disappointments discourage you – you have untapped reserves of inner strength • It’s ok if the house isn’t clean…take a break when you need one • Rushing around gets you nowhere fast. You can – and will – check off every item on your list…even if it takes a little more time than you like • Preserving your sanity is more important than meeting a deadline • Oh, and its ok to turn up the radio when a good song comes on • Sleep in, and do absolutely nothing. It’s a fantastic way to unwind • Having pretty things makes life more pleasant • Your mental health is just as important as your physical health...life is too short to worry • Don’t settle for “good enough”…keep learning, growing and changing • Eat pie for breakfast if you want to. Eat your fruits and vegetables, but have a little chocolate sometimes, too :) • One of my very good friends taught me this: it’s ok to say no; even when you’re afraid it’ll hurt someone’s feelings • Money does not buy happiness…the most important thing in life is love • Love your body…it’s the only one you’ve got. • Crying is a totally healthy and normal thing to do. Try is sometime • Floss, wear sunscreen, get your annual physical, relax, enjoy yourself, check your cholesterol, dance, laugh at life, balance your checkbook and put some money away for yourself. • Excess is bad, moderation is good • You CANNOT do everything by yourself • When it’s a yucky day, go shopping • You are a rare wonderful person, YOU ARE LOVED!

Abuse and its effects

Abuse is the misuse, excessive use or improper use of a person or objects; for example, abuse of money, abuse of authority, abuse of position etc. When the abuse is of a person, everyone involved suffers. Abuse is all about power. Once it’s gained, it’s extremely powerful. “The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.” ~ Edmund Burke The 4 major types of abuse are: Sexual, Emotional, Mental and Physical Sexual abuse is “rape, sexual assault or sexual molestation wherein the active person forces themselves onto the abused which may be of the same or opposite sex and of any age.” It is also referred to as molestation, that is, the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. In the event of sexual abuse, especially abuse that spans a period of time, the victim tends to experience feelings of loss of control over their own bodies and their own lives. Although there may not be any physical signs of sexual abuse – with the exception of rape, where bruises and tears may occur - there are behaviors which may indicate an occurrence of sexual abuse: • Attempts to be unattractive • Abnormal sexual knowledge • Radical mood swings • Sense of danger where he/she lives • Change in eating habits (bulimia, anorexia, or compulsive eating) • Inappropriately seductive • Apparent boredom w/age peers and age appropriate activities • Nightmares, insomnia, sleepwalking and other sleep disturbances • Radical change in school performance for better or worse • Fearful about certain people • Over achievement • Depression, crying episodes, etc. • Angry, hostile or aggressive behavior • Fear of adult or adolescent • Fear of being photographed • Anxiety reaction to authority figures • Fear of undressing or refusal to undress in gym class • Intense efforts to gain attention/affection from adults • Suicidal thinking, gestures, and attempts • Fear of nurturing/withdrawal/impaired ability to trust • Self-mutalative behavior • Self-hatred • Memory loss • Runaway • Fear of the dark • Find reasons to not be with someone they used to spend time with (or any change of behavior toward a friend or family member) • Unable to concentrate, daydreaming, 'spacing out', 'in a world of their own' • Withdrawn, isolated, or excessively worried • Nervous or fearful around adults, in particular, men • Imaginary friend(s) Victims may also react by feeling that sex and acts of sex are “dirty, wrong and unhealthy” and will avoid all intimate contact with others or they may feel that they must use sex as a way to express emotions such as love, acceptance and caring and will become involved with various sexual acts, often times developing into deviate sexual behaviors. In addition, victims of sexual abuse will need counseling in order to learn coping mechanisms for the feelings of being out of control and the attitude regarding sex and intimacy. Emotional abuse is defined as “the humiliation of a person’s feeling so that he/she perceives himself as inept/hopeless, uncared for and/or worthless.” Often times parents, caregivers or teachers will say things regarding a child's behavior, performance or skills that will make a child feel that they are “no good,” “useless,” “stupid,” or “good for nothing.” These words, whether said to a child, an adolescent or even to an adult, can harm the ego, self-esteem and self-worth of a person. Victims of emotional abuse develop feelings of shame, embarrassment and guilt as they feel they are a bother or a burden to those around them. These feelings often lead to depression, isolation and suicide. Although emotional abuse leaves no physical injuries, the damage done to the mind, heart and spirit can be extremely extensive. Emotional abuse is characterized by the abuser’s manipulation and invalidation of his or her partner. Here is a list of warning signs to be aware of: Abusive Expectations: Makes unreasonable demands; Requires constant attention, or that you spend all your free time with him/her; Constantly criticizes; No matter how much you give, it never seems to be enough. Aggressing: Calls you names, accuses, blames, threatens, or gives orders; Can be disguised as “helping” or “teaching”; Judgmental “I know best” attitude. Constant Chaos: Deliberately starts arguments and may be in constant conflict with you or with others; Treats you well in front of others, but changes into a different person when you’re alone together, or vice versa; May enjoy “drama,” because it creates excitement and brings the focus back onto him/herself. Denying: Denies your personal needs, especially when that need is greatest, and does so with the intent of hurting, punishing, or humiliating you; Denies that certain events occurred or that certain things were said; Refuses to listen or communicate (silent treatment), and withdraws emotionally; Denies your perceptions, memory, and sanity; Disallows or overrules any viewpoints, perceptions, or feelings that differ from his/her own; Causes you to lose confidence in and question your own perceptions and feelings; Causes you to doubt your most powerful survival tool: your own mind. Dominating: Manipulates the relationship so that the only feelings and opinions that count are his/her own; Must have his/her own way, and will hurt your feelings if necessary in order to get it; Holds you personally responsible for his/her own happiness; Disregards your personal standards or beliefs, and may try to persuade you to do things that you don’t want to do. Emotional Blackmail: Plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, religious values, or other “hot buttons” to get what he/she wants; May threaten to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, give you the “cold shoulder,” or use other tactics to control you. Invalidation: Seeks to distort your perceptions of your own world; Refuses to or fails to acknowledge reality in order to create his/her own false reality; If you tell your partner that you felt hurt by something he/she did or said, he/she might say, “You’re too sensitive. That shouldn’t hurt you”; Or, the abuser might turn it around by saying, “You hurt me too sometimes. I just don’t say anything because I’m understanding.”; Suggests that your emotions and perceptions are faulty and can’t be trusted; Any time your own feelings are disregarded or denied, invalidation has occurred. Minimizing: Says things like “You’re exaggerating” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”; Trivializes by suggesting that something you have communicated is inconsequential or unimportant. Unpredictable Responses: Acts angry or upset in a situation that normally would not warrant such a response, or gets angry certain times but not others; Blows up or gets angry at you over innocent comments you made; You feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around him/her; Has drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts; Likes something you do one day, but hates it the next. Verbal Assaults: Berates, belittles, criticizes, threatens, or calls you names; Subtle to blatant use of sarcasm and humiliation; Constantly finds flaws with you; Makes fun of you in front of others, or in private.

Emotional abuse often starts out very subtly, and progresses gradually over a period of time. Abusers are master manipulators, and can deceive even your friends and family – as well as their own. Trust your own feelings and perceptions. Mental abuse, also referred to as “mind games” is when one person uses another person’s insecurities, phobias and fears to “force” another to do what they wish. Withholding various items, feelings, affection, or personal and physical needs such as food, sleep, water, comfort, warmth and elimination in order to make one person do another’s command is also a means of mental abuse. Examples of mental abuse include a husband withholding children in order to force a woman to have sex with him; not allowing someone to go to sleep in an attempt to get them to confess to something or share information; not allowing a person the use of bathroom facilities due to inappropriate behavior; or forcing someone to deal with a fear – such as one of spiders or snakes – as punishment. The effects of mental abuse include depression, emotional withdraw, social isolation, self-mutilating behaviors, extremely low self esteem, addictions to drugs and alcohol, excessive anxiety, sleep disorders, or suicide. Group Questions: 1. What are some signs that you have noticed, that are forms of abuse - in your life? How have they affected you? 2. Have do you respond to those “red flags”? Are you more aware now or not?

Read and consider: If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway. If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful. If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over. If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you. If you dress sexy, he says you're too fast. If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad. When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him. If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it. If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him, If you don't, he says you don't trust him. If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're nagging. If he brings up a problem, he yells. If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted". If he breaks it, it's because "he had to". If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you up. If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.

How accurate is our mental image of ourselves?

What we see in the mirror can be different from what others perceive when they look at us. When you look at yourself in a mirror, what you see depends on the quality of that mirror. Similarly, our mental images of ourselves help determine how we react to daily highs and lows of life. If we think of ourselves as worthwhile and valued, that quality will come across to other people. Molded by both internal and external forces, our self-image makes a huge difference in how we feel and act. Think about how you would describe yourself to a stranger. Would you emphasize your keen sense of humor or physical features you're fond of? Or would you spend more time on supposed "trouble spots?" Your answer largely depends on your mental image of yourself. Why does it matter how you see yourself? Keeping our bodies healthy through proper diet and exercise improves how we feel physically and enhances our quality of life. Our mental wellness is equally vital for attaining personal fulfillment. A healthy state of mind fosters a positive self-image, which then encourages balanced relationships and sound decision-making skills [source: American Psychological Association]. But a healthy body and mind don't operate independently -- we should nurture both because they affect each other. In a study of teenage girls' self-image, participants who rated themselves as socially unpopular were 69 percent more likely to gain weight than those who considered themselves popular [source: Psychiatric Annals]. What are the elements that create our self-image? Focus often turns to how we compare our bodies to ideal physiques. But body image is just one part of the complete picture. Our personal experiences, relationships, choices and attitudes all contribute to the whole. It's essentially how we evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, as well as how we define our character. http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-image.htm