Making Pancakes

Six year old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor. He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten. Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very bad. He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove and he didn't know how the stove worked! Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky. And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon 's eyes. All he'd wanted to do was something good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But his father just watched him. Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process! That's how God deals with us. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour. Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him. But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to ‘make pancakes' for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried... I was thinking and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be said, sometimes, 'I love you' can heal & bless!

The Heart of a Woman 1

I have been reading a book called Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge - and the beginning was a bit challenging for me because it seemed a little boring and predictable. I loved the husband's writings so much that without the writer identifying themselves, I could tell who wrote each part of the book! The wife's writings were good too but it seemed to me that she had already gotten to her point and had reached her maximum at the first couple of chapters of the book. Nevertheless, I continued reading, as I MUST finish everything I start...(another problem of mine :) Anyway, the more I read, the more I fell in love with the wife's writings...and it kept me engaged. The book reveals the "unveiling of the mystery of a woman's soul". The writers focus on the strength of a woman, the essence of a woman, and the need of a woman. As a part of this book, Stasi goes on to talk about the different challenges or different encounters we have had as children or even as adults that has shaped our thinking, and our mentality. Often times, she will bring in characters from movies that possess certain personality and strengths. And then she ties them in to how we have become attached to these personalities that we watch, and how it has affected the very essence of the heart of God, which is the heart of a woman. Over a few weeks, we will talk about the different types of women that are discussed in this book. It certainly was an eye opener for me, as I could identify with some of these traits. For example: DOMINATING WOMAN: This woman is sharp, sophisticated, and incredibly controlling. She handles crisis by dominating the people around her. She needs no one, she is in charge and on top of things. (Stasi says that some of us might even admire this trait). She knows how to get what she wants. This might be a good thing if we know how to control the rush but it could be terrible, if we go to the other extreme; which is, that there is nothing merciful about a dominating woman. She is not tender at heart, and certainly not vulnerable. She has essentially forsaken every essence of her femininity. She has forfeited her femininity for masculinity! A woman who has fallen in some area of her life will pick up such an attribute. She will decide from the start that she will be the controller of all her relationships, and will never be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure a relationship, she will kill every desire for intimacy, just so she is safe and in control. She becomes a woman "who does not need anyone - especially a man". According to the book, how this plays out over the course of her life, and how the wounds of her childhood shape her heart's convictions are often a complex story, one worth knowing. But beneath and behind it all, she dominates and controls her relationships because she fears intimacy and fears her own vulnerability. This, to such a woman, would seem a perfectly reasonable way to live. Please ladies, know that this self-protective way of relating to others has nothing to do with real love, and nothing to do with deeply trusting God. It is our own gut-level response to a dangerous world. Consider this: whatever is not from faith is sin (Romans 14:23 NKJV) To be continued......

The Finishing Generation

The church has to stop living in Jesus postponement, and start living in Jesus Now! We have to come to the conclusion line. God is bringing everyong to a one-option policy. We are not just sent ones, we are actually the food of God. Our desire is to please Him and His heart. Every day we rise, we need to be desirous to finish His will. We need to be passionate to bring to conclusion the will of God; the will to go to the final end. The connection to the finished line, is the Lord's appearing. A good fight is one that you do not loose, or give up on!

5 Fingers

1. Your thumb is nearest you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C. S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty." 2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers. 3. The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance. 4. The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger, as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them. 5. And lastly comes our little finger - the smallest finger of all which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "The least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

The Doers of the World

We need to hear the Word of God To know what we should do But listening is not enough Without our followthrough Just after we moved to a house in a new neighborhood, we invited my sister-in-law and her husband over for Sunday dinner. As we were greeting Sue and Ted at the door, an odd noise directed their eyes toward the kitchen. As I followed their gaze, I froze in horror. An errant hose of our old portable dishwasher was whipping about like the trunk of an angry elephant, spewing water everywhere! Sue went into action mode. Dropping her purse, she was in the kitchen before me, shutting off the water and calling for towels and a mop. We spent the first 15 minutes of their visit on our knees mopping the floor. Sue is a doer - and the world is a better place because of the doers of the world. These are the people who are always ready to pitch in, to be involved, and even to lead if necessary. Many of the doers of the world are also doers of the Word. These are the followers of Jesus who have taken the challenge of James to heart: "Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only" James 1:22. Are you doing all that you know God wants you to do? As you read God's Word, put what you've learned into practive. First hear - then do. God's blessing comes as a result of our obedience. The value of the Bible does not consist merely in knowing it, but in obeying it!

Read James 1:19-27 Posted by Shelia, a fellow RW

A New Season of Increase and Greatness

Every day, you and I are reminded of how tough life can be. It's true that life can be really hard but don't ever give up on your tomorrows! Keep believing, keep looking ahead, keep pressing into more and more of what God has for your life. Please believe your best days are ahead. That's why so much is taught about favor. God's plan is bigger than just what He wants to do for you — it grows into what God wants to do through you. The power of God's increase is so great that there are no challenges too big and no circumstances too difficult to be radically transformed. When you keep on believing in the midst of your storm, not only will God lead you out, but He will lead you into His supernatural increase! What you see as a major setback is really a divine setup. God's working through the circumstances in your life to create an incredible moment of progress and promotion. He has pre-ordained seasons of increase in your life — not because of anything you do, but because He wants to pour out His goodness in your life. God's plan for your life is bigger than simply solving today's problem — He wants to promote you. Through His Word and the power of His Holy Spirit, you will be amazed at what God will do in your life. There's a path to this season of increase, and I want to encourage you to take it. I am believing a new season of increase like never before will spring forth in your life. Always remember that God is for you and loves to give to His children. ~From Joel Osteen Ministries

The Lord's Prayer

Me: Our Father who art in heaven. God: Yes? Me: Don't interrupt me. I'm praying. God: But -- you called ME! Me: Called you? No, I didn't call you. I'm praying. Our Father who art in heaven. God: There -- you did it again! Me: Did what? God: Called ME. You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven" Well, here I am.... What's on your mind? Me: But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like fulfilling a duty... God: Well, all right. Go on. Me: Okay, Hallowed be thy name. God: Hold it right there. What do you mean by that? Me: By what? God: By "Hallowed be thy name"? Me: It means, it means…good grief, I don't know what it means. How in the world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean? God: It means honored, holy, wonderful. Me: Hey, that makes sense... I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before. Thanks. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. God: Do you really mean that? Me: Sure, why not? God: What are you doing about it? Me: Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control, of everything down here like you have up there. We're kind of in a mess down here you know. God: Yes, I know; but, have I got control of you? Me: Well, I go to church. God: That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money -- all on yourself. And what about the kind of books you read? Me: Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church! Excuse ME... God: I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you -- for example... Me: Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others. God: So could I. Me: I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free. God: Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together -- You and ME. I'm proud of you. Me: Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread. God: You need to cut out the bread…You're overweight as it is. Me: Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups. God: Praying is a dangerous thing. You just might get what you ask for. Remember, you called ME -- and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying… (pause…) Well, go on. Me: I'm scared to. God: Scared? Of what? Me: I know what you'll say. God: Try ME. Me: Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. God: What about Ann? Me: See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her! God: But -- your prayer -- What about your prayer? Me: I didn't -- mean it! God: Well, at least you're honest. But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness and resentment isn't it? Me: Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born. God: No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. You know how unhappy you are -- Well, I can change that. Me: You can? How? God: Forgive Ann. Then, I'll forgive you; and the hate and the sin, will be Ann's problem -- not yours. You will have settled the problem as far as you are concerned. Me: Oh, you know, you're right. You always are. And more than I want revenge, I want to be right with you… (sigh).All right, all right . .I forgive her. God: There now! Wonderful! How do you feel? Me: Hmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been getting much rest, you know. God: Yeah, I know. But, you're not through with your prayer, are you? Go on.... Me: Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. God: Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted. Me: What do you mean by that? God: You know what I mean. Me: Yeah. I know. God: Okay. Go ahead... Finish your prayer. Me: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen. God: Do you know what would bring me glory -- What would really make me happy? Me: No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you now… I've really made a mess of things. I want to truly follow you...I can see now how great that would be. So, tell me...How do I make you happy? God: YOU just did.

You are one of the GREAT ONES!

To my sisters in the Lord... There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take a close look at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is, or at who made you do it. She has to just look at herself in all her glory and imperfection. Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in her life? Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up. Before you make this mistake, take a closer look.. A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someone of wisdom, someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have made her stronger. Think of all the great women in the Bible: Mary Magdalene, Ruth and Naomi, the woman with an issue of blood, and Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman. But by the time Jesus was done with her, she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunate in marrying an abusive man, but by the time God was done with her, she had married one of the wealthiest men in the land. Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of trying to hold her up. Before you wonder, ' What's up with her?' ask yourself, 'What's up with me?' That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could be ME. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death. Let's build and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi. Shared by a RW - Debra King-Cooper

Moods and Emotions

Psalm 107:29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still Self awareness is not an attention that gets carried away by emotions, overreacting or amplifying what is perceived. On the contrary, it is a neutral place that maintains self-reflectiveness even in the midst of chaotic emotions. In short, self awareness means being aware of both our moods and our thoughts about those moods. It really can be non-reactive, and non-judgmental. This process will allow us to internally re-evaluate each situation and how we respond to it. It allows us to be sensitive to our thoughts; hence, thinking more about it and as a result, reacting differently. We tend to fall into different styles for attending to and dealing with our emotions: Self Aware: Those of us in this category are aware of the moods as we are having them. When we get into a bad mood, we do not spend a whole lot of time obsessing about it; we are able to get out of it sooner by being mindful in managing them. I know some of my friends who time themselves, on how long they'll stay in that space...and they literally come out of it, when time is up! Engulfed: Those of us in this category are often swamped by our emotions, and we are helpless in escaping from them...as though the emotions have taken complete charge. We are typically not aware of the feelings we are having; and as a result, lack any kind of perspective. So we do very little to try to escape from the bad moods. This process leaves us completely overwhelmed and emotionally out of control. Accepting: Those of us in this category are often clear about what we are feeling and we actually accept the moods and do absolutely nothing about changing them. This style usually brings out two different people: 1) the ones who are usually in good moods and so have little motivation to change them and 2) the ones who, despite the understanding on their moods, are susceptible to bad ones but accept them with a nonchalant attitude, therefore, doing nothing to change them...even though its a distressful situation. This pattern is often labeled as depression, as we tend to resign to the despair. Ladies, it is important that we know who we are and how we handle our emotions. Our goal is to grow and be stronger, in all aspects of life. Please re-read this and consider doing things differently. Psalm 107:29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still

Learning to Commit

Commit Everything to God (Proverbs 3:5-6) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths - Proverbs 3:5-6 Commitment involves trusting - trusting the One who has proven Himself to be trustworthy. What does it mean? Commit means to pledge to do something, to make a binding declaration, to be bound, to trust. Commitment involves trusting in God and placing everything and anything that would distract you, or be an obstacle to you. Acknowledging that everything you are and everything you have belong to Him. Why do we do it? Committing everything means to put all you have in its rightful place and adjust your perspective. Turning over all you have to God will keep you growing, it’ll cause you to experience rest and you’ll ultimately shine His light to those around you. If I leave everything I have in my hands, I’ll get my results; if I leave everything I have in your hands, I’ll get your results; but I if I leave everything I have in God’s hands, I’ll get God results. How do we do it? The test: 1. Distractions: what are certain distractions that move us away from the Spirit? 2. Obstacles: what obstacles keep us from moving forward in the Spirit? 3. Assaults: what areas are being used by the enemy to assault you and keep you away from the Spirit? The process: 1. Revelation: ask the Lord to show you where to start 2. Repentance: repent for those things you’ve made an idol or put as priorities before God 3. Release: begin to exercise faith; and trust God in those areas and make a choice to release them to His care Begin by choosing to trust Him. Let yourself lean upon His ways as they are revealed to you in His Word. Acknowledge Him by bringing your life - everything you face - before Him, and allow Him to direct your walk on His path to fulfill His perfect plan. Commit daily; moment by moment and practice thankfulness. It’s an ongoing process!

Gang Tactics

Subject: Ladies please take note of the following gang initiation tactic, please discuss with female colleagues who do not have email On the way to Canton , driving on Michigan Avenue , on Thursday morning, I saw an infant car seat on the side of the road with a blanket draped over it. I did not stop, even though I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my destination, I called the Canton PD and they were going to check it out. This is what I was told... "Several things to be aware of .. gangs and thieves, are now plotting different ways to get a person to "stop" their vehicle. "There is a gang initiation reported by the local police department that gangs are placing a car seat by the road...with a fake baby in it...waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check on the baby. Note that the location of this car seat will usually be beside a wooded or grassy (field) area ...and the person - woman - will be dragged into the woods- beaten and raped- usually left for dead. DO NOT STOP . DIAL 9-1-1 AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW. "IF YOU ARE DRIVING AT NIGHT AND EGGS ARE THROWN AT YOUR WINDSHIELD. DO NOT OPERATE THE WIPER AND DO NOT SPRAY ANY WATER BECAUSE EGGS MIXED WITH WATER BECOME MILKY AND BLOCK YOUR VISION UP TO 92.5% YOU ARE THEN FORCED TO STOP BESIDE THE ROAD AND BECOME A VICTIM OF THIEVES. THIS IS A NEW TECHNIQUE USED BY GANGS. PLEASE INFORM YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES. THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES AND THESE UNSAVORY INDIVIDUALS WILL TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES TO GET WHAT THEY WANT." Please talk to your loved ones about this. This is a new tactic used and I would hate for anyone to fall victim to this kind of crime. Please be safe Ian Chapman District Manager Eastern Michigan

June 26th Meeting

Location: 153 Thousand Oaks Oakland, CA 94619 Saturday, June 26, 11:30AM to 1:30PM Commitment can be a risky and fearful word for all of us. We have so many ideas on what this means. Ideas that have been developed from our past or current experiences, our emotions and our decisions. Hopefully, during this time together, we'll be able to listen to each other and help re-define what commitment truly means to us as women; and most importantly, as God-fearing women. Note: on the day of our meeting, please call 510-969-5260. Looking forward to it!

How do you stay focused?

After you have prayed and fasted, and then prayed some more and fasted a little more...then you pray one more time, hoping that the breakthrough would come....and then it doesn't. What do you do then? Staying focused on God's promises is a very practical thing. These are the times that the test is real! You know how it is....when you want God to do some particular thing in your life, you go to God with that particular request. And then after you have done what you know to do...(the praying and/or the fasting part), and the results show up....but the results are not what you were looking for! This is the time to stay focused! If God shuts a door, it is a guarantee that He is doing what's best for you! It will not feel good, it will not sound good, and it will not look good but don't get hopeless and think that God is not near. Only God knows the beginning and the end...therefore, He is your best answer! Rehearse the good things that He has done, remind Him of the victorious things that He will do for you, and in the meantime, stay in a place of worship and thanksgiving. Don't get carried away by your carnal feelings. Don't get all mixed up in the ways of men. Don't fall away from the presence of God by having non-Godly thoughts. The Lord tests us always, and we never know this until we are in the middle of it. When one door closes, God opens up another! In time, you'll see the goodness of the Lord. Be strong, and stay focused in Him!

Thoughts to Values

Keep your thoughts positive Thoughts become your words Keep your words positive Words become your behaviors Keep your behaviors positive Behaviors become your habits Keep your habits positive Habits become your values Keep your values positive Values become your destiny

The Sound of Revenge

I have found that the fastest form of revenge is deliverance. My deliverance. Deliverance from wrongly spoken words. When someone does something crazy to me, I usually eventually pray that God delivers me quickly....just as soon as I hear the accusation and right before I think of a response. God is our Rock, our Defense and our Shelter. It is to Him, we are to run to. He will lead and guide us, protect and watch over us. He is quick to show Himself faithful. And then I pray that God takes me out of the box. The box that the different people have put me in, and the expectations that have been attached to me. See, God knows our hearts when its in trouble and when it has been wounded. But we have to be willing to go to God with all of the troubles and choose to walk away from manly accusations. God is ever near and ever ready to take care of us and take care of the situation that lies before us.

Today I wait

Today I wait I wait patiently For the time of my departure The anticipation of my heart is to take off Into the world of design Surrendering myself to the hands of the creation of order So today I wait I wait carefully Carefully because others have been taken foolishly They have followed the imitation of character Torn into the music of deception Surrendered themselves into the lies of the winds of look-alikes To the waves of breaking tides So today I wait I wait cautiously Cautiously because others are gone and a few remain Cautiously because I cannot afford to be driven by ...the sounds of water, or the gifts of pleasure, or the looks of treasure Today I wait Comfortably because I know that when the original creator comes, HE KNOWS ME! Because He planted me in the very soil that He toiled Himself. He sounds the same and no one has and can ever come close to the sound of His voice! Comfortable, I am.....because I know Him Today I wait Endlessly Settled that I will be taken into the arms of creative destiny I will be washed in the rivers of cleansing rain Wrapped in the rays of the one Himself Not falling for any other but Him Today I am a fruit, planted and destined From the beginning, from the foundations of the earth

The Process of Change

The process of change is "to". To takes you from one stage to another. It is the bridge that connects the past and the future. A walkway that leads you away from the present. The number 2 expresses an exchange of position, or a move of location. 2 opens up the change of state. To is the catalyst of transition.

Different People

I was watching a show on OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) with my husband a couple of nights ago and I really like watching things like that because I love studying different personalities and it helps me to go into someone else’s world and see how they think, function and work. Just seeing the different personalities and their different behaviors and traits, just really took me to a place of awareness. You know, you never know what people are going through. We see so many of them everywhere we go: catching the Bart, waiting on the bus, driving, walking to school, coming out of libraries, waiting on someone to pick them up, in the grocery stores, at the park, at the beach, going to work etc…I mean, all types of people. And we really do not know what challenges people are having. Well, I was awakened to be more aware of how I pray for people that I pass by each day. I mean, when I am going through the streets and running around and doing things, I am really just thinking about me and all my errands and I hardly stop and see anything else. Someone might be contemplating suicide, or dealing with a terminal disease, or dealing with a sad news, or working through a hard divorce (not that any divorce is easy), or just stressed out with work or whatever. I need to be more prayerful when I am out and about because for some of those folks, that might be their only chance to get prayed for… you know J Just thinking out loud…

Worship, a cycle?

We often get in a cycle, or a routine of doing things; and I find that the only thing that can get me out of those cycles, is worship with the Lord. The cycle of life is predictable: wake up, dress up, go out, make something of the day, and then come home. That’s just the pace of living. And then, the mistake we make is that we transfer that practice and pattern into our worship. When, on the contrary, worship is not supposed to be predictable and organized. Real worship keeps us going; and rejuvenates us. It breaks the chains of routine and removes the comfort of familiarity. Somehow, in between, we misunderstood the reason for freedom. We have used worship as the substitute for cycle; instead of the answer to the cycle! I pray that the Lord breaks our cycle of routine, familiarity, self-satisfaction and the daily series of life!

The way He loves.....

God's love to us is just like water to a thirsty soul; food to a hungry heart; clothes on your body; protection and shade on a hot sunny day; air to your lungs; a cool cloud on a bright afternoon; blood to your veins; arms to run to on a weary day! How is it possible that God loves us that deep and that wide? How could it be that He chose to die for each and everyone of us, so that we might ultimately be in eternal living? Meditate on that....

Faith - Short & Sweet

Faith comes by hearing …and hearing by the word of God. Faith is the means by which we hear and receive from God. By means: is the form of transportation of something from one place to another. It could be by bus, car, air etc. It is the revolution of something from one realm/location to another. Faith is our transformation power that moves us from one spiritual territory to another. It is our key for change! Posted by Alice (a fellow RW)

How to prevent breast cancer

Q: Why is breast cancer usually found near the armpit? A: Some time ago, I attended a Breast Cancer Awareness seminar and I asked why the most common area for Breast Cancer was near the armpit. My question could not be answered at that time.This e-mail was just sent to me, and I find it interesting that my question has been answered. I challenge you all to rethink your every day use of a product that could ultimately lead to a terminal illness. As of today, I will change my use. I showed it to another friend going through chemotherapy & she said she learned this fact in a support group recently. The leading cause of breast cancer is the use of anti-perspirant. What ??? Yes, ANTI-PERSPIRANT!! Most of the products out there are an anti-perspirant /deodorant combination, so go home and check. Deodorant is fine, anti-perspirant is not! Here's why: The human body has a few areas that it uses to purge toxins; behind the knees, behind the ears, groin area, and armpits. The toxins are purged in the form of perspiration. Anti-perspirant, as the name clearly indicates, prevents you from perspiring, thereby inhibiting the body from purging toxins from below the armpits. These toxins do not just magically disappear. Instead, the body deposits them in the lymph nodes below the arms since it cannot sweat them out. Nearly all breast cancer tumors occur in the upper outside quadrant of the breast area. This is precisely where the lymph nodes are located. Additionally, men are less likely (but not completely exempt) to develop breast cancer prompted by anti- perspirant usage because most of the anti-perspirant product is caught in their hair and is not directly applied to the skin. Women who apply anti-perspirant right after shaving increase the risk further because shaving causes almost imperceptible nicks in the skin which give the chemicals entrance into the body from the armpit area. Food for thought….

Happy Mother's Day

TO ALL THE GREAT, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL - NATURAL & SPIRITUAL MOTHERS OUT THERE, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU! A Mother ' s Love Her love is like an island in life ' s ocean, vast and wide A peaceful, quiet shelter From the wind, the rain, the tide. ' Tis bound on the north by Hope, By Patience on the West, By tender Counsel on the South And on the East by Rest. Above it like a beacon light Shine Faith, and Truth, and Prayer; And thro ' the changing scenes of life I find a haven there. Author Unknown

God’s Little Notes

• Don’t let worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case • Some people are kind, polite and sweet spirited until you try to sit in their pew • It’s easier to preach 10 sermons that it is to live one • When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there • Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever • God himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you? • Peace starts with a smile :) • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous • Don’t put a question mark where God puts a period! • God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called • God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage • The will of God never takes you to where His grace will not protect you • If God is your co-pilot, swap seats! • Prayer: don’t give God instructions, just report for duty! • Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain • The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him/her

Anxiety and Worry

Anxiety and Worry are both attacks on the mind intended to distract us from serving the Lord. The enemy also uses both of these torments to press our faith down, so it cannot rise up and help us live in victory. Some people have such a problem with worry that it might even be an addiction. If they do not have something of their own to worry about, they'll worry over someone else's situation. If you constantly worry about something, you'll never enjoy the peace that Jesus died for you to have. It is absolutely impossible to worry and live in peace at the same time. Peace is not something that can be put on a person; it is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), and fruit is the result of abiding in the vine (John 15:4). Abiding relates to entering the "rest of God" spoken of in Hebrews 4 as well as other places in the bible. There are several words in the Bible that refer to worry, depending on what translation you are reading: words like "fret not", "take no thought", "be careful for nothing", "cast all your cares"..etc. Webster's dictionary defines worry as: to feel uneasy or troubled, to cause to feel anxious, distressed, a source of nagging concern, to torment oneself with disturbing thoughts. One definition that really hit home for me: to seize by the throat with teeth and shake or mangle, as one animal does another, or to harass by repeated biting and snapping!!! Now, this is definitely an attack from Satan upon the mind. There are certain things the believer is instructed to do with the mind, and the enemy wants to make sure that they are never done. So the intention is to keep the mental arena busy enough with the wrong kinds of thinking so that the mind never gets around to being used for the purpose for which God designed it. Worry certainly never makes anything better, so why not give it up? When worry comes, speak the Word of God out of your mouth. It is a two-edged sword that must be wielded against the enemy (Hebrews 4:12, Ephesians 6:17). God has given us His word, use it! Counter the enemy's attacks with the same weapon that Jesus used: THE WORD!

Atmosphere

As women, we ought to be diligent in maintaining a life of holiness and righteousness. We will not be perfect, but we can give 110% towards it. In everything we think, say or do; we need to be led by the Holy Spirit. We need to be careful that we do not create an atmosphere that will cause us to fall into any form of temptation. Temptation is defined as the act of tempting; enticement or allurement; something that tempts, entices, or allures; the fact or state of being tempted, especially to evil; a cause or occassion of enticement. Temptation comes to distract you, and to cause you to fall off. If we choose to entertain it, it'll destroy us. It'll change everything, get you off course, and move you further and further away from your destiny. The bible tells us in Luke 4:13 that after the devil tempted Jesus, he left him until the next opportunity came. That tells me that the devil is not capable of creating a temptous situation for us, but he is however waiting and hoping that we will, so he can in fact tempt us. The enemy does not have any power over us. He can only tap into a condition that he is allowed into. Righteousness is a way of life, a choice in living, a decision for your lifestyle. If you decide to do it, you'll continue to strive towards it!

Writing as a skill

As a writer, I often go through periods where I don't write anything. Sometimes I want to write, but I lack the inspiration. Sometimes I have nothing to write about, so I do a lot of reading instead. And then, sometimes I feel hopeless because I have not written anything in a little while. BUT, then I remind myself that these are all regular emotional ups and downs of any writer. I have found though (with age, I guess), that writing all the time does not validate you as a writer. It certainly is a plus, but not THE plus! On the contrary, the "dry spells" that we experience are a part of the creative process. Of course when you start writing, it is exciting to keep doing it but the test is when you cannot or when you will not or when you do not want to write. Writing is a lifetime skill. Once a writer, I believe, is always a writer. How often you do it, will depend on where you are (emotionally), what you see (physically/spiritually), and your state of mind (mentally).

Dealing with a LET-GO

Have you ever been faced with a situation where you had to make a difficult decision that was going to affect you/your family/your loved ones and/or your future? Have you ever had to let someone go OR have you found yourself a result or the product of a let-go? I've been there a few times but I just had another revisit. I just recently had to face a very tough decision like that (of letting someone go) and although it was hard, it was well needed. In fact, I felt a huge burden released off my shoulder because without my knowledge, I had been emotionally abused by this for years and had been completely blind to it (in this particular situation, that is). It took me until maybe a few weeks ago to see that this abuse had been a huge stronghold in my life. I had no idea that there was still some of that going on in me. But I thank God that He is faithful to bring it to the surface and graceful to show me an exit plan. Letting someone go or being a product of a let go is just not something that is tackled in the natural. You also NEED to apply a spiritual seal to your natural decision. Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. The spiritual seal is not to physically remove you from that situation/person but it is to emotionally seperate you from its effects and dangers. It also prepares you for the natural encounter with the person involved or the conditions around it. Know that every battle you face is not yours, but the Lord's. You are not alone in this. If you try to conquer what I like to call mulitple tiny demons, by yourself, it'll eat you up and make your physically and emotionally sick. Realize that you are a spiritual being, working with the Holy Spirit inside of you; therefore, let God fight your battles. Let your daddy handle it! Letting a negative person/situation go is a healthy process but go a step further and put on your spiritual armor so you can be ready for the natural encounter! Pray for me, as I pray for you on this one...cos you know its not gonna be easy! :)

Walking in Alignment

Purpose: Our conduct being pleasing to the Lord Observation: Watching for distractions, obstacles and assaults Balance: Going forward with discernment and determination Action: Step by step, decision by decision, choice by choice DEFINITION: What does it mean to walk in the Spirit? It is walking spiritually with purpose, observation, balance and action. It is keeping our eyes upward and winning the tug of war to be led by the Holy Spirit rather than allowing our soul to rule over our choices and decision. It is a process of our souls learning to relinquish control and let God take charge of our lives. Always remembering, that we are His work in process! Some things that may cause our souls to want to rule over our choices and decisions are:

• Desperation
• Discouragement
• Fear
• Pride
• Being in the wrong relationship
• Being in covenant with a person that is unequally yolked
• Our own insecurities
• Control
• Having someone else think for us
• etc....

REASON: Why do we walk in the Spirit? It allows us to experience intimacy with the Lord, which releases His power in our lives so that we can fulfil our destiny in Christ - Jeremiah 29:11. There are certain things that can deprive us from this:

• Fear
• Self
• Comparison i.e. we compare ourselves with others
• Pride
• The lack of .....
• etc...

APPLICATION: How do we walk in the Spirit? We walk daily, watchful and vigilant, step by step, listening for His voice with purpose and thanksgiving; therefore, choosing to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit instead of the desires of our flesh. Some choices that we have to make in order to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit are:

• Restraining ourselves
• Self-Control
• Choosing to overcome

Ladies, know that each step we take and make are small beginnings to greater things in life. If we choose to make the step, God will meet our feet. _____________________________________ RSVP to arighteouswoman@ymail.com if you'll be joining us for the May 8th outing. More information to follow.

Bank Account

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. ‘I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. ‘Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. ‘Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ...it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away… Just for this time in my life.’ Getting older is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my memory bank as I am still depositing. 'Remember these five simple rules to staying happy:1) Free your heart from hatred, 2) Free your mind from worries, 3) Live simply 4) Give more, 5) Expect less..

Get Ready!!

This morning (Monday, April 5th) I woke up well before the time I set on my alarm, from a vision the Lord showed of me preaching a message of salvation. A message I honestly wish I had this past weekend! There was this fire in me as I laid there waking from my sleep, still seeing myself before a crowd and at my co-workers desks with the message "Where will you spend eternity?", tied in with a theme related to life insurance. Nothing fancy, but every word and scripture just dropped from my mouth with a confidence, passion, power and sense of urgency to those before me. Something changed in my faith and confidence this weekend. Perhaps what began in me over the last month with Helen and now my grandfather passing, met a breaking point through serving this weekend to GET READY! An opportunity I believe was a set up from God, from the moment I said "sure I'll help" when asked by Pastor Patrick, my first Sunday back after Helen's passing. Never realizing that God was up to something until last Wednesday when Pastor David asked me to share with his class about the play... since I was participating in "a big role". Big role? Me? No, I'm just "helping out" is what I was thinking (apparently my comfort zone word). Yes, my mind did emerge from the fog when initially asked to realize it was an important role, but BIG...wow, a change in words put it in perspective. Salvation is BIG! Leading people to Christ is why we live. I don't have to feel you in on the details! But you trusting me, supporting me, stretching me, pouring into me, being patient with me, praying for me, believing in me, encouraging me, all did something in me. There's a healing taking place in me that I can't even put my finger on. There's a boldness rising in me, preparing me to be ready at all times. There's a new level of personal commitment to Christ that I received from this weekends Beautiful Cross Ministry. The anointing from the play was so great! I don't know how many people where saved, healed, recommitted or delivered this weekend. But I do know this...by the grace of God and His power in me and you, many more will be! Through Shiloh and the commitment I woke up to this morning. I believe He has released a grace for me to touch the nations in a powerful way with the gospel of Jesus Christ; starting now, in my everyday life. I pray His message of triumph will resonate boldly through my life, my faith, my words and my deeds. Thank you! Posted by RW - Treva

Be Suspicious of Suspicion

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person – 1 Corinthians 13:7 I can honestly say that obedience to this Scripture has always been a challenge for me. I was brought up to be suspicious. I was actually taught to distrust everyone, especially if they pretended to be nice, because they must want something. In addition to being taught to be suspicious of others and their motives, I had several very disappointing experiences with people, not only before I became an active Christian, but afterwards as well. Meditating on the components of love and realizing that love always believes the best has helped me greatly to develop a new mindset. When your mind has been poisoned, or when Satan has gained strongholds in your mind, it has to be renewed according to God’s Word. This is done by learning the Word and meditating (pondering, muttering to yourself, thinking on it) We have the wonderful Holy Spirit in us to remind us when our thoughts are going in the wrong direction. God does this for me when I am having suspicious thoughts instead of loving thoughts. The natural man thinks, “If I trust people, I’ll be taken advantage of.” Perhaps, but the benefits will far outweigh any negative experiences. Trust and faith bring joy to life and help relationships grow to their maximum potential. Suspicion cripples an entire relationship and usually destroys it The bottom line is this – God’s ways work; man’s ways don’t. God condemns judgment, criticism and suspicion, and so should we. Love what God loves and hate what He hates. Allow what He allows and disallow what He disallows. A balanced attitude is always the best policy. That doesn’t mean that we are not to use wisdom and discernment in our dealings with others. We don’t have to throw open our life to everyone we meet, giving every person we encounter a chance to crush us. On the other hand, we don’t have to look at everyone with a negative, suspicious eye, always expecting to be taken advantage of by others. Trust God completely and man discreetly! Extracts from “Battlefield of the mind” by Joyce Meyer

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes it’s hard to say how you feel And then it’s tough to explain what you really feel Is just plain simple But there comes a time when all you can do is say it; just how it is The dangers of being this open is that the other person sees you for whom you truly are The benefit of the matter is that you are released off the burden What’s more important anyway? Your honesty or their state of shock! Both play an important role and it’s necessary to experience both The way I see it There is a strength and a weakness in both Thought brings forth action Action brings forth fruit Just as long as the thought process is sorted out and the activity of the issue is practically practical It is a rollercoaster ride, I’ve heard some say It swirls & turns & twists & spins The kind of ride that makes your insides turn The kind of ride that brings forth freedom!

Why do people quit on us?

We work in different firms/organizations/companies etc and we see different people come and go. And you wonder why folks don’t stay in a business long enough, and why they quit. There are a few reasons: Untrustworthiness: First of all, working with someone we don’t trust is a miserable experience. We lose the trust of others; when we act inconsistently in what we say and do, seek personal gain above shared gain, withhold information, lie or tell half-truths, and become closed-minded. Trust is like a mirror; when it’s shattered, it can be pieced back together again, but the cracks are still quite obvious. Incompetence: Secondly, the way to inspire confidence in people is not with charm or charisma, but with competence. When a leader is incompetent, she takes the focus off the organization’s vision and values, and places it onto her own behavior. If people working for an incompetent leader have a high degree of skill, they continually worry about their leader messing things up. If they don’t have experience, they won’t know what to do. Either way, productivity, efficiency and morale suffer. Insecurity: Lastly, good leaders do two things; a) they develop other leaders and b) try to work themselves out of a job. Insecure leaders never do that. On the contrary, they do not want to train people to reach their potential and be more successful than they are. In fact, they don’t want them to be able to succeed without their help. Anytime someone who works for them rises too high, they actually see it as a threat. People want to work for leaders who fire them up, not put out their fire. If they perceive that their leader is more concerned with maintaining their authority and protecting their passion, they’ll eventually quit and find someone else to work for. A man who has friends, must himself be friendly – Proverbs 18:24 NKJ No matter how good a leader you are, you’ll eventually lose people. When the relationship is over, you’ll go one way and they’ll go another. Sometimes, the decision may be difficult to understand and subsequently, you’ll try to cling on to them and control them. When you can’t do that, you’ll be tempted to cut them off, isolate and criticize them. If you are this type of leader, there is good news! You CAN do things to make yourself the kind of leader people want to be around, and when the time comes for them to leave, they’ll do it looking back with joy. Six principles: 1. Take responsibility for your relationships with others. When a relationship goes bad, initiate action and try to make it better 2. When people leave you, do an exit interview with them. This helps you discern if you are the reason that they’re leaving. If so, swallow your pride, apologize and take the high road with them 3. Put value on those who work with you. It’s great when people believe in their leader; and it’s even greater when their leader believes in them! 4. Put credibility at the top of your leadership list. You may not always be capable as there are times when every leader finds herself way in over her head BUT, you can always be trustworthy 5. Recognize that your positive emotional help creates a safe and secure environment for people. Therefore, think positively, practice right conduct towards others, and follow the golden rule 6. Maintain a teachable spirit and cultivate your passion for personal growth. Keep learning so you can continue leading!

The scars of your life

It is very difficult to comprehend the things we go through. As different as our journeys are; one similarity that we hold is that we all somehow, someday have experienced trials and hopefully, some victory. It is however, hard to picture how we could have walked that dark, evil path of life. Sometimes; often times, I think back on some things that happened in my life, and I honestly cannot ever grasp how I was able to come out of that dark place. How I am able to look at myself today and really say that I am free. It is positively, absolutely, entirely by the grace of God. To take it further, our life experiences are for the freedom of others. There are people that you can reach that I will never be able to reach or register with their pains and sufferings. Why? Because your particular path of life was designed to save some. And so was mine! We’ve discussed before about how our individual lives are unique and custom-made for each one of us. In other words, each area of disappointment/hurt will bring joy to someone else’s life. Now, I will not make the mistake of assuming that those past hurts did not hurt. I know they did and probably still have certain effects on us. However, the more we stay in that space, the more hurt we are and the less liberated we’ll get; and ultimately, the more we unconsciously continue to glorify those painful instances. Have you ever talked to someone about something in your life and how you got set free from it? ……have you noticed how it brings hope to them? Because to them, if you made it, they certainly can too! If you are ready to walk in freedom and wholeness; start talking, start helping someone else get free, start proclaiming the good work that God has and is doing in you. AND if you are ready to walk in complete deliverance; get into a place of intimacy with God and see Him move in you and change you! The scars of your life will bring joy to someone else

Create Boundaries

When we look to anyone other than God to meet our needs, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Relationships work best when you establish boundaries and a budget up front. Ask truthful and honest questions like. “Where does this person belong in my life? How much am I prepared to invest in them?” These questions are very essential. WHY? Because life is too short to be spent straightening out misunderstandings, hurt feelings and damages egos. If you’re wise, you’ll avoid any relationships that leave you drained and leaves you asking. “How did I get into this?” When keeping somebody happy means shortchanging the purposes of God in your life and losing your joy, then you’re overdrawn on your budget. When somebody needs too many phone calls, dinners, loans, or any other form(s) of attention, it’s definitely time to draw the line. DO NOT allow anyone to cater to the “need to want/need someone in your life”. You have only so much time and energy. Good stewardship demands that you invest you life where there is the greatest return. When people who are too needy demand more than you have the ability or the right to give, you have got to do one of two things: 1. Renegotiate: Bankrupting yourself to make them feel good might sound dignified, but its not! Bankrupt people end up with everything from nervous breakdowns to extramarital affairs because they are overspent. At this point, prayer, a good counselor, and some good ol’ fashioned tough love may be what you need. 2. Sometimes you have to walk away! In Isaiah 50:7 (NKJV), Isaiah said: “I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed.” Make up your mind to let no one stand in the way of doing what God has called you to do. Your first calling is to please the Lord, not others.

Cast your burden on the Lord

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you – Psalm 55:22 When worry comes knocking on your door, stop it on the porch or it’ll move right in and live in your house. Give all of your weight, worries and concerns to the Lord, for you are His personal concern. God cares about the things that worry you and prey upon your thoughts. He cares about them more than you do. Not one nagging, aching, worrisome, gut-wrenching, blood-pressure-raising thought escapes His notice. He watches over you day and night. What qualifies as a worry? Simply anything that robs your joy, anything that you cannot change, anything you are not responsible for, anything that you cannot control, anything that torments you, anything that deprives you of sleep; all of THAT needs to be transferred from your worry list to your prayer list! The Bible tells us: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace” – Ph 4:6-7 (NLT). Give each worry, one by one, to God. The more you practice this, the more exciting your walk with Him will become. God is able to handle it, He is willing to handle it, and He is waiting for you to give it to Him. You’ll be amazed at how easily He handles those things that overwhelm you. If you desire to live a worry free life, then keep casting your burdens on the Lord until it becomes a habit, as natural to you as breathing.

Great Things Every Woman Needs to Remember

Hey Righteous Women, Sometimes, we tend to forget who we are and what we are capable of. We spend a whole lot of our time caring and doing for others that we lose track of our own needs. Well, if and when you get to these moments, here are a few things to remember: • You are stylish, beautiful, absolutely deserving and fabulous, creative, nurturing, and able to do anything you put your mind to. You are one of a kind, somebody's hero and so much more! • It’s time you believe in yourself, trust your instincts and listen to your gut because you are incredibly intelligent. • You work hard and deserve more recognition than you get • The world relies on people like you • Don’t forget to treat yourself with kindness • You are the best and most important friend you’ll ever have • You matter! Don’t put yourself down - compliment yourself • You are never alone, you can always ask for help • Friends can help make any situation better • What goes around come around, including all the good deeds you’ve done for others over the years • Hold on to your old friends, they are the ones you know the best • Nobody’s life is without challenges and hardships, bad days and even worse days, but everybody gets a shot at new days and second chances • You have great thoughts and ideas and they should be taken seriously • Always keep working towards your dreams….no matter how out of reach they may seem because you can do anything you set your mind to. Pursue your interests….even if no one you know shares them. Don’t let setbacks and disappointments discourage you – you have untapped reserves of inner strength • It’s ok if the house isn’t clean…take a break when you need one • Rushing around gets you nowhere fast. You can – and will – check off every item on your list…even if it takes a little more time than you like • Preserving your sanity is more important than meeting a deadline • Oh, and its ok to turn up the radio when a good song comes on • Sleep in, and do absolutely nothing. It’s a fantastic way to unwind • Having pretty things makes life more pleasant • Your mental health is just as important as your physical health...life is too short to worry • Don’t settle for “good enough”…keep learning, growing and changing • Eat pie for breakfast if you want to. Eat your fruits and vegetables, but have a little chocolate sometimes, too :) • One of my very good friends taught me this: it’s ok to say no; even when you’re afraid it’ll hurt someone’s feelings • Money does not buy happiness…the most important thing in life is love • Love your body…it’s the only one you’ve got. • Crying is a totally healthy and normal thing to do. Try is sometime • Floss, wear sunscreen, get your annual physical, relax, enjoy yourself, check your cholesterol, dance, laugh at life, balance your checkbook and put some money away for yourself. • Excess is bad, moderation is good • You CANNOT do everything by yourself • When it’s a yucky day, go shopping • You are a rare wonderful person, YOU ARE LOVED!

Abuse and its effects

Abuse is the misuse, excessive use or improper use of a person or objects; for example, abuse of money, abuse of authority, abuse of position etc. When the abuse is of a person, everyone involved suffers. Abuse is all about power. Once it’s gained, it’s extremely powerful. “The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.” ~ Edmund Burke The 4 major types of abuse are: Sexual, Emotional, Mental and Physical Sexual abuse is “rape, sexual assault or sexual molestation wherein the active person forces themselves onto the abused which may be of the same or opposite sex and of any age.” It is also referred to as molestation, that is, the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. In the event of sexual abuse, especially abuse that spans a period of time, the victim tends to experience feelings of loss of control over their own bodies and their own lives. Although there may not be any physical signs of sexual abuse – with the exception of rape, where bruises and tears may occur - there are behaviors which may indicate an occurrence of sexual abuse: • Attempts to be unattractive • Abnormal sexual knowledge • Radical mood swings • Sense of danger where he/she lives • Change in eating habits (bulimia, anorexia, or compulsive eating) • Inappropriately seductive • Apparent boredom w/age peers and age appropriate activities • Nightmares, insomnia, sleepwalking and other sleep disturbances • Radical change in school performance for better or worse • Fearful about certain people • Over achievement • Depression, crying episodes, etc. • Angry, hostile or aggressive behavior • Fear of adult or adolescent • Fear of being photographed • Anxiety reaction to authority figures • Fear of undressing or refusal to undress in gym class • Intense efforts to gain attention/affection from adults • Suicidal thinking, gestures, and attempts • Fear of nurturing/withdrawal/impaired ability to trust • Self-mutalative behavior • Self-hatred • Memory loss • Runaway • Fear of the dark • Find reasons to not be with someone they used to spend time with (or any change of behavior toward a friend or family member) • Unable to concentrate, daydreaming, 'spacing out', 'in a world of their own' • Withdrawn, isolated, or excessively worried • Nervous or fearful around adults, in particular, men • Imaginary friend(s) Victims may also react by feeling that sex and acts of sex are “dirty, wrong and unhealthy” and will avoid all intimate contact with others or they may feel that they must use sex as a way to express emotions such as love, acceptance and caring and will become involved with various sexual acts, often times developing into deviate sexual behaviors. In addition, victims of sexual abuse will need counseling in order to learn coping mechanisms for the feelings of being out of control and the attitude regarding sex and intimacy. Emotional abuse is defined as “the humiliation of a person’s feeling so that he/she perceives himself as inept/hopeless, uncared for and/or worthless.” Often times parents, caregivers or teachers will say things regarding a child's behavior, performance or skills that will make a child feel that they are “no good,” “useless,” “stupid,” or “good for nothing.” These words, whether said to a child, an adolescent or even to an adult, can harm the ego, self-esteem and self-worth of a person. Victims of emotional abuse develop feelings of shame, embarrassment and guilt as they feel they are a bother or a burden to those around them. These feelings often lead to depression, isolation and suicide. Although emotional abuse leaves no physical injuries, the damage done to the mind, heart and spirit can be extremely extensive. Emotional abuse is characterized by the abuser’s manipulation and invalidation of his or her partner. Here is a list of warning signs to be aware of: Abusive Expectations: Makes unreasonable demands; Requires constant attention, or that you spend all your free time with him/her; Constantly criticizes; No matter how much you give, it never seems to be enough. Aggressing: Calls you names, accuses, blames, threatens, or gives orders; Can be disguised as “helping” or “teaching”; Judgmental “I know best” attitude. Constant Chaos: Deliberately starts arguments and may be in constant conflict with you or with others; Treats you well in front of others, but changes into a different person when you’re alone together, or vice versa; May enjoy “drama,” because it creates excitement and brings the focus back onto him/herself. Denying: Denies your personal needs, especially when that need is greatest, and does so with the intent of hurting, punishing, or humiliating you; Denies that certain events occurred or that certain things were said; Refuses to listen or communicate (silent treatment), and withdraws emotionally; Denies your perceptions, memory, and sanity; Disallows or overrules any viewpoints, perceptions, or feelings that differ from his/her own; Causes you to lose confidence in and question your own perceptions and feelings; Causes you to doubt your most powerful survival tool: your own mind. Dominating: Manipulates the relationship so that the only feelings and opinions that count are his/her own; Must have his/her own way, and will hurt your feelings if necessary in order to get it; Holds you personally responsible for his/her own happiness; Disregards your personal standards or beliefs, and may try to persuade you to do things that you don’t want to do. Emotional Blackmail: Plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, religious values, or other “hot buttons” to get what he/she wants; May threaten to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, give you the “cold shoulder,” or use other tactics to control you. Invalidation: Seeks to distort your perceptions of your own world; Refuses to or fails to acknowledge reality in order to create his/her own false reality; If you tell your partner that you felt hurt by something he/she did or said, he/she might say, “You’re too sensitive. That shouldn’t hurt you”; Or, the abuser might turn it around by saying, “You hurt me too sometimes. I just don’t say anything because I’m understanding.”; Suggests that your emotions and perceptions are faulty and can’t be trusted; Any time your own feelings are disregarded or denied, invalidation has occurred. Minimizing: Says things like “You’re exaggerating” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”; Trivializes by suggesting that something you have communicated is inconsequential or unimportant. Unpredictable Responses: Acts angry or upset in a situation that normally would not warrant such a response, or gets angry certain times but not others; Blows up or gets angry at you over innocent comments you made; You feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around him/her; Has drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts; Likes something you do one day, but hates it the next. Verbal Assaults: Berates, belittles, criticizes, threatens, or calls you names; Subtle to blatant use of sarcasm and humiliation; Constantly finds flaws with you; Makes fun of you in front of others, or in private.

Emotional abuse often starts out very subtly, and progresses gradually over a period of time. Abusers are master manipulators, and can deceive even your friends and family – as well as their own. Trust your own feelings and perceptions. Mental abuse, also referred to as “mind games” is when one person uses another person’s insecurities, phobias and fears to “force” another to do what they wish. Withholding various items, feelings, affection, or personal and physical needs such as food, sleep, water, comfort, warmth and elimination in order to make one person do another’s command is also a means of mental abuse. Examples of mental abuse include a husband withholding children in order to force a woman to have sex with him; not allowing someone to go to sleep in an attempt to get them to confess to something or share information; not allowing a person the use of bathroom facilities due to inappropriate behavior; or forcing someone to deal with a fear – such as one of spiders or snakes – as punishment. The effects of mental abuse include depression, emotional withdraw, social isolation, self-mutilating behaviors, extremely low self esteem, addictions to drugs and alcohol, excessive anxiety, sleep disorders, or suicide. Group Questions: 1. What are some signs that you have noticed, that are forms of abuse - in your life? How have they affected you? 2. Have do you respond to those “red flags”? Are you more aware now or not?

Read and consider: If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway. If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful. If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over. If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you. If you dress sexy, he says you're too fast. If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad. When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him. If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it. If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him, If you don't, he says you don't trust him. If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're nagging. If he brings up a problem, he yells. If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted". If he breaks it, it's because "he had to". If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you up. If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.

How accurate is our mental image of ourselves?

What we see in the mirror can be different from what others perceive when they look at us. When you look at yourself in a mirror, what you see depends on the quality of that mirror. Similarly, our mental images of ourselves help determine how we react to daily highs and lows of life. If we think of ourselves as worthwhile and valued, that quality will come across to other people. Molded by both internal and external forces, our self-image makes a huge difference in how we feel and act. Think about how you would describe yourself to a stranger. Would you emphasize your keen sense of humor or physical features you're fond of? Or would you spend more time on supposed "trouble spots?" Your answer largely depends on your mental image of yourself. Why does it matter how you see yourself? Keeping our bodies healthy through proper diet and exercise improves how we feel physically and enhances our quality of life. Our mental wellness is equally vital for attaining personal fulfillment. A healthy state of mind fosters a positive self-image, which then encourages balanced relationships and sound decision-making skills [source: American Psychological Association]. But a healthy body and mind don't operate independently -- we should nurture both because they affect each other. In a study of teenage girls' self-image, participants who rated themselves as socially unpopular were 69 percent more likely to gain weight than those who considered themselves popular [source: Psychiatric Annals]. What are the elements that create our self-image? Focus often turns to how we compare our bodies to ideal physiques. But body image is just one part of the complete picture. Our personal experiences, relationships, choices and attitudes all contribute to the whole. It's essentially how we evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, as well as how we define our character. http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-image.htm

Don’t Be Blindsided by the Teen Years

Forwarded to RW....

Parents with children in the “tween” years should pat themselves on the back for a job well done! After a decade of protecting and nurturing their growing child, parenting can become easier at this time. But they would be wise to consider this breather period as a time to prepare for the often turbulent teen years and make the appropriate adjustments in their parenting style.

When your child reaches the ”tween” years, parenting can seem to smooth out and become easier, but those who have been through this stage might call it, “the calm before the storm.” The parent of a “tween-ager” may be tempted to think, “Why change the way I relate to my child, since things are going so well right now?” Here’s why…in a year or two your teen will begin to earnestly seek independence. They will spend more time away from you and your home, and they’ll become influenced by their culture and friends.

When kids begin thinking and reasoning for themselves, their parents may realize too late that they haven’t properly shifted their own parenting style to accommodate for a more self-willed and self-sufficient child. They can therefore be surprised and dismayed at the rift it creates in their relationship.

Lacking a strong relationship with parents, teenagers who are spending more time away from home begin thinking they are in control and that their parents are irrelevant and totally out of sync with them and the world. A parent who hasn’t learned to shift their style of parenting will see their child pull away from them at this time. To their dismay, they’ll see their teen making immature decisions that can lead them down the wrong path in life.

To prevent your child from pulling away from you, here are a few suggestions for changing your parenting style for the next decade of your child’s life. Implementing these suggestions will provide a more stable line of defense by keeping you and your teen in a closer relationship; minimizing the possibility you’ll be blindsided by the storms of adolescence.

Change 1: Give Your Teen Room to Decide on Their Own, Within Boundaries First, realize that your child no longer needs or wants you to control their every move. So major on the majors and avoid hovering over your teen. Demanding that they follow your lead is counterproductive to their maturing process. It gets in the way of the greater goal of teaching them how to think for themselves and it can spoil the opportunity for them to flex their options-seeking and decision-making muscles. So, allow them to learn how to solve their own problems through finding their own answers. Don’t force your opinions or directives on them about the less significant matters in their life. Establish and enforce age-appropriate and moral boundaries to corral their behavior, but within those boundaries, allow them to make most of their own decisions. They will probably not make the right decisions at first, but failing a few times will teach them the right answer or at least to seek other alternatives the next time. Your job in the teen years is not to hawk over them and rescue them, as you did when they were younger, but to guide and encourage them.

Change 2: Focus on Building Character More than Demanding Obedience Secondly, change the focus and intent of your rules from protection to character-building. The most important character-building qualities your child will develop include keeping commitments and living honestly and respectfully. So, set up boundaries and rules in regard to these qualities, and seek out situations where character can be developed. For example, help them find a job where they will be held accountable for arriving on time. Let them volunteer and help those less fortunate while at the same time taking on leadership and responsibility. Assign the strongest penalties and consequences for character misjudgments, such as displays of disrespect, lying and cheating.

Change 3: Listen Twice as Much as You Speak I see two extremes in the way many parents listen, and neither one is very helpful. A parent might listen carefully, but then react to every word that comes out of their teen’s mouth. Or, a parent assumes they already know what their child is thinking, and ignores what they say entirely. As difficult as it can be to hear what your teen is really thinking, I believe it is better to know it than to not know it. However, knowing it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to react or respond immediately. Sometimes your teen is just “thinking out loud” in an attempt to process a difficulty they are experiencing. If you are guilty of not really listening, you may see your teen baiting you and picking fights just to try to get you to understand what’s going on in their life — at a deeper level. And if you miss what they are really trying to say, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.

But listening only works if you find ways to keep in touch. That’s why I recommend connecting with your teen periodically when they are out of the house, and requiring a breakfast or lunch meeting once a week, just to hear them out. Connect with them in all the ways that they connect with their friends — through texting, email, social media, and cell phone. Make it comfortable and fun for your teen to bring friends home, so you can get to know them and they you.

Ask your teen questions and don’t give your opinion until you are invited to do so. Show them you value their opinion. Zip your lip and open your ears, even if it makes for an uncomfortable silence. It is a simple concept with staggering ramifications for a child who has for the first decade of their life looked to you for leading the discussion and giving all the answers.

Change 4: Teach Them How to Weigh the Options Parents are sometimes so intent on passing along their values and beliefs that they send the wrong message to their teen – one that says, “I know better than you, so your opinion doesn’t matter.” One sure way to set up a power struggle with your teen and a rift in your relationship is to make them feel that their opinions are stupid, or that some things cannot discussed with you. A more productice way to respond to a teen’s rash conclusions is by saying, “I understand what you’re saying, but might there be other options?” The more you ask thoughtful questions, the more your teen will learn to think through their other options, rather than acting on the first idea that comes to mind. Teaching a teen to weigh the options and foresee the results is a valuable tool they’ll use again and again throughout their life. Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself. – Max Lucado More on this topic go to www.parentingtodaysteens.org to listen online or subscribe to the free audio feeds. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and executive director of Heartlight, a residential program for struggling adolescents. Mark’s blog can be read at www.markgregston.com. His daily radio programs can be heard at www.parentingtodaysteens.org. Mark on Facebook.

What are your limitations?

There is nothing more frustrating to me like seeing a Christian that is not living out their full potential in God. This is one of the reasons I believe, why the Christian experience for some is boring, old and stale. What is it for some Christians that hold them back from being who they are TRULY supposed to be? And doing what they are created to do? There is totally more to you than just who you see! Fear: Some of us are just afraid of making the step. We know what we are supposed to do but we simply lack the faith to carry out the course of action. Maybe we fear that we will lose other things that we have already started, or lose other things that we do have control over. Self-Consumption: Some of us get so tied up in ourselves that we lack the freedom to be released into our God-given ministry. We get so consumed with our relationships, our economic status, our single living, our titles at work, our marital status, our different responsibilities, our roles in our families etc. that we fail to see anything else beyond those very moments we are in. Perfection: Some of us are waiting for the perfect day to step out of our caves a.k.a. comfort zones. We will not make a move until everything on our to-do list is fulfilled: we cannot afford to make a mistake, so we spend a long time anticipating the day of perfection. Or maybe we have all the plans set out: all our ducks are in one row; our mission statements & visions are written out, bound and framed; and all we need is the perfect day to start! Luke 19:13 - Occupy till I come If we are not doing what we need to be doing, then the scripture above will be in vain. The bible clearly tells us what to do until the Lord comes again. But somehow we feel that His return is in the far future, when on the contrary, it’s nearer than ever! Wherever you are right now, although it is a good place, is merely a stepping stone to a greater place in God. The higher we get in God, the closer we are in completing our walk with God. It’s like a ladder of continuous progression. My only prayer for us is that we are always going up, and not the other way around! It’ll be sad to die today, go to heaven (hopefully, for us all), and discover that you hadn’t finished your duty on earth. We need to come out of our shells, snap out of the moment, and get to work! Consider after getting that promotion at work, and then neglecting the very job that promoted you. Or after getting married, and then neglecting the work of the very God that gave you the married life. Or after buying that dream house, and then all you do is live in it (day in, day out) and never do anything with the house that God gave you. No one else will do your job but you! It’s time to wake up ladies! The word of God in Luke 19:13 requires of us to be busy with ourselves, to get into business, to do the things that really matter, to work with practice, to accomplish tasks, to collect dues, to commit to work, to carry out deeds, to do exactly what we need to do, to occupy and occupy repeatedly and regularly. AMEN!

Crucial Skills: Confronting a Sick Colleague

The recent H1N1 situation illustrates the importance of motivating someone to do something they may not want to do. What can we learn about motivation from looking at the situation where people are sick but feel obligated to come to work? There are a few key concepts that provide the foundation for this discussion. Consequences Motivate. There are consequences that occur naturally, and there are consequences that are imposed or enforced by others. People make decisions to act based on the consequences they anticipate. As a result, motivation is personal because people see and anticipate different consequences. Almost subconsciously, people assess the positive and negative consequences that are most likely to occur and then they act based on those assumptions. Help Others See Consequences. We can motivate others by helping them see both the obvious and the more obscure consequences. In your situation, this includes consequences to self, to coworkers, to patients, to coworkers' and patients' families, to finances, to reputation, and to the quality of work. When we help others see and feel the consequences, people can change their desire to act in certain ways. So let's separate some of the issues in this case. For example, the manager is aching and coughing and trying to decide if she should go to work. What are the consequences of staying home? Positive consequences are that she will feel better physically. Sipping hot chocolate and lounging around the fireplace sounds pretty good. Also, she won't get anyone else sick. However, she's not sure she's that sick and she assumes the probability of getting someone else sick is fairly low. Negative consequences include not getting paid because she has exceeded her paid time off. This is particularly glaring because she has several bills that are due. She will also miss two meetings because delaying them is impossible. Catching up when she returns will be next to impossible. And while some people might have bad thoughts about her coming to work sick, she can probably avoid these people. Even if she doesn't avoid them, they probably won't speak up any way. The combined value of the anticipated consequences makes the decision easy. If she goes to work, she will get paid, get important work done, and it is highly unlikely she will get anyone sick. More importantly, no one will say anything to discourage her decision. Take note that for a doctor, the financial and productivity consequences might be even more costly and the likelihood that anyone would speak up to the doctor is almost nil. So, as someone who cares about the consequences of spreading germs, what do you do? Here is some advice. First: Manage expectations as a group around not coming in when sick. Excellent performance begins with clear expectations. When we make agreements, we often agree on the who, the what, and the how; but we would improve motivation if we focused on the why. Have a discussion about the reasons you are making this agreement and clarify the possible positive and negative consequences. Why should people not come to work when they are sick? Why should they get immunized? Look at it from the perspective of the sick person. What will they lose? What will they gain? What will happen to colleagues and patients? In addition to sharing the facts, share real stories of what happened in your hospital. Share the story of the nurse who picked up a virus at work and passed it on to her mother who was now in the intensive care unit. Where did the problem start? Usually with colleagues who came to work when they were sick. Also, talk about the financial consequences or about the trust that might be lost if a colleague makes a commitment. Helping people understand and feel the weight of both clear and obvious consequences helps them make more balanced decisions. Second: Agree to hold one another accountable. As a part of your discussion, agree to hold each other accountable and speak up to individuals who come to work sick. Part of that agreement should be that everyone will talk in a way that is safe and professional; they will try to understand and help. Speaking up and holding others accountable is not just the boss's job; it is everyone's job. When we make agreements, clarify expectations, outline natural consequences, and feel able and motivated to speak up, we reap the benefits of having a crucial confrontation. The difference between good teams and organizations and the best teams and organizations is how rapidly and respectfully problems get resolved. Individuals in these teams don't let issues fester and they don't let issues destroy relationships. They quickly and respectfully put them on the table and reach a resolution. **Forwarded by a top employer at a business firm**

9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men

Sitting across the table from my beautiful friend in the quaint coffee shop, my worry mounted. She was sharing details about her new whirlwind relationship that had begun a couple months earlier. “I finally met that guy I’ve been talking to on the Internet. After calling and text messaging constantly for the last two months, we decided to take it the next level—so we met half way last weekend. It was amazing. He’s perfect for me! He is so kind, smart, funny, dynamic … he is too good to be true!” Exactly! I thought to myself. “And did I mention he is financially secure? Not that money is important.” Her apparent excitement said the opposite. “Is he a Christian?” “We met at an online matchmaking site!” “Is everyone on that a Christian?” “Well … he hasn’t really been going to church—but he definitely loves God.” Saddam Hussein claims to love God. “How do you know that?” “He told me so! I just know God brought us together.” “You’ve only known him for two months. Why do you think God brought him into your life?” I had to pinch myself under the table not to sound condescending. “Because … it just feels so right when we talk. We have so much in common. He really loves me.” Oh, oh. I can see we’re in trouble now. … “So … since he’s such a great Christian guy, I’m sure he didn’t try to get you to sleep with him. I mean, he’s protecting your purity and all, right?” I had a bad feeling about this guy already. My cynicism was beginning to show. “Well … he’s not legalistic about it. I mean, we are adults and he said as long as we’re committed to each other it’s the same as being married.” Her own convictions had seemingly evaporated overnight. “So if you know each other so well, what are his weaknesses?” Besides not being a Christian, trying to get you into bed at the first chance, and being a liar. “He might be just a little bit compulsive. Is it normal for a guy to ask you to take off your shoes before you get into his car? But I guess I don’t mind too much … he has so many other great qualities, what could be so bad about that?” I’d had conversations like this with women dozens of times. In fact, for most of my own life, I was the one lying to myself. If anyone knew the lies women tell themselves to justify getting into bad relationships that led to bad marriages, it was me. And now, my precious friend, the one with whom I had discussed these lies with over and over, was falling into them much too easily. I began to pray that she would see the truth before it was too late. What about you? If you are still trying to hold out for God’s best but you find yourself identifying with some of the conversation above, read on. It’s not too late for you to begin identifying the lies you tell yourself so that you can avoid an empty marriage and shattered dreams. LIE #1: A Christian man must be God’s best choice of a mate for me. First of all, just because a man calls himself a Christian doesn’t mean a thing about his spiritual condition. Hitler probably professed to be a nice guy. What really shows a man’s faith is action—not trying to get you into bed until you are both wearing a ring; initiating his own personal relationship with God and encouraging yours as well; and especially holding his feelings back in the relationship to allow God to lead. God’s choice of a mate for you is going to be a godly man, and if you listen, God will tell you through an active prayer life and the counsel of other godly influences whether this is the one He has picked out for you. LIE #2: If it feels right, it is right. Feelings are unreliable. Don’t trust them, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Feelings change day by day, and they can lie to you. Women who rely on them to make important decisions are going to be extremely disappointed, making one mistake after another. The decision must be made objectively and prayerfully. Sexual sin in the relationship will cloud objectivity and good judgment. LIE #3: I can overlook a few character problems (a.k.a. red flags)—no one is perfect. If a man has glaring character defects, it is likely that he is not teachable. Teachability is the number one character trait you should look for in a potential mate. I am not talking about normal struggles or mistakes, but habit pattern sins or dysfunctions that control their lives and that they are not open and contrite about. If a man is teachable, he will humbly listen to God and to his future wife when making decisions. He will be willing to work at his future marriage. LIE #4: I really know him after spending so much time talking to him. Phone and heart-to-heart conversations are no substitute for real life situations. He can tell you anything you want to hear while hiding behind a phone. But get him with his family, or behind a rude driver, or at a restaurant getting poor service, and then you begin to see what kind of a person he really is. A wise woman will wait it out awhile to observe his responses in every possible difficult and awkward situation. LIE #5: He always tells me the truth. If you think that then you don’t know most men in this world. Most men are very good at telling women what they want to hear in order to get what they want—sex. Pressure for sex from a “Christian man” should be the number one indicator of a dishonest man with underlying bad intentions and hidden motives. LIE #6: Coincidences are a sign from God. Satan, the master liar and counterfeiter, is cooking up coincidences to get you off track, so beware! He doesn’t want you to wait for God’s best. He wants to handicap your services for the Kingdom by getting you to settle for a miserable and empty marriage. Ask for godly counsel from objective bystanders, pray hard, and stay intent upon God’s will and not your own. LIE #7: It’s normal for him to pressure me for sex. That’s just how men are. True godly men live to please God and not their own selfish desires. They honor women as the treasure they are, treating them with absolute purity as Jesus would have done. They care more about the purity of their Christian sisters than a quick thrill for the moment. Sex before marriage is a sin and if a guy is pressuring, he doesn’t care about what God thinks and he doesn’t care about you either. LIE #8: There are many quality romantic perfect men out there, just like in the movies. Women have so filled their minds (and hearts) with Hollywood ideals about men, two tragedies have resulted. First, no man could ever live up to that fictitious standard so they are unfairly compared and criticized. Secondly, a woman in the beginning stages of a relationship can tend to fill in missing information about a man with imagined ideals before she even knows him. She ends up “falling in love” with an idea, not a person. When the man begins to show signs of human weakness, she is disappointed but holds onto the relationship hoping the man she first imagined will return. The few real quality men out there are the ones who are living to please God. You will need God’s help to find them. LIE #9: When I find a man and get married, I will finally feel happy and complete. If that’s true, why are so many women getting divorced (or wishing they were)? Why do Hollywood stars ditch beauties for someone else? The truth is, you will only feel happy and complete when you let God be your first love. No man—especially one who is not God’s best for you—will even come close. When the excitement wears off (and it will), you will feel more alone than when you were single. By telling ourselves the truth, we have every chance to find the very best man that God wants to give us. A great example is my friend. She ended up getting out of that wrong relationship and listening to God for direction in her dating life. A few weeks ago, I attended her wedding. Just before she walked down the isle, she closed the door of the little room behind the three of us. “We need you to say a prayer for us,” her eyes radiated happiness. It was the beautiful sentiments of the groom—God’s best for her—that showed the day to be what I had hoped for her all along. “Yes, please pray for us. It’s the only way to begin our lives together. The day just won’t be right without it.” I couldn’t have agreed more. Julie Ferwerda Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer © Julie Ferwerda. Used with permission. All right reserved. This article first appeared on CBN.com. Julie is the author of The Perfect Fit: Waiting for God’s Best After Failed Relationships and has written articles for other publications such as Marriage Partnership, Brio & Beyond, HomeLife, Discipleship Journal, and Revolve III Biblezine Project for teen girls. To order the book or to find out more go to http://www.julieferwerda.com/.

Religion vs Relationship

Ever talk to someone about the Lord and they want nothing to do with the very mention of God/church/or church folk? Ever wonder why? Most of the time, the reason why we get this kind of reaction from people is either because they have had a bad experience with church or because all their lives, that is all they've heard and they are just about sick of it. The main reason why you hit a roadblock here with certain people is because they have either never had a relationship with God or they once did and have now lost it. What they really remember is a religious experience. Religion will kill us. Anything that you do out of routine will eventually tire you and wear you out. You’ll hang in there for little minute but soon thereafter, you’ll get bored, uninterested and fed up. On the other hand, relationships sustain us. Anything that you invest in, and an investment is reciprocated towards you, will encourage you. It’ll persuade you to do more and it’ll give you confidence in that relationship. In other words, when you are in a relationship with someone, anyone; you give your part and the other person gives theirs. And sometimes, the other person goes the extra mile! In a human relationship, we definitely see this happen. In a spiritual relationship with our heavenly Father, all God requires of us is our worship - our heart, our devotion, our adoration; and He does the rest. He blesses us, keeps us, protects us, provides for us, and fights on our behalf. Religion = formality, rituals, rules and regulations, going through the motions, day-in day-out living, same routine. Relationship = full of surprises, selfless, new, original, fresh and exciting, brings joy, allows you to be yourself.