Bank Account

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. ‘I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. ‘Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. ‘Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ...it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away… Just for this time in my life.’ Getting older is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my memory bank as I am still depositing. 'Remember these five simple rules to staying happy:1) Free your heart from hatred, 2) Free your mind from worries, 3) Live simply 4) Give more, 5) Expect less..

Get Ready!!

This morning (Monday, April 5th) I woke up well before the time I set on my alarm, from a vision the Lord showed of me preaching a message of salvation. A message I honestly wish I had this past weekend! There was this fire in me as I laid there waking from my sleep, still seeing myself before a crowd and at my co-workers desks with the message "Where will you spend eternity?", tied in with a theme related to life insurance. Nothing fancy, but every word and scripture just dropped from my mouth with a confidence, passion, power and sense of urgency to those before me. Something changed in my faith and confidence this weekend. Perhaps what began in me over the last month with Helen and now my grandfather passing, met a breaking point through serving this weekend to GET READY! An opportunity I believe was a set up from God, from the moment I said "sure I'll help" when asked by Pastor Patrick, my first Sunday back after Helen's passing. Never realizing that God was up to something until last Wednesday when Pastor David asked me to share with his class about the play... since I was participating in "a big role". Big role? Me? No, I'm just "helping out" is what I was thinking (apparently my comfort zone word). Yes, my mind did emerge from the fog when initially asked to realize it was an important role, but BIG...wow, a change in words put it in perspective. Salvation is BIG! Leading people to Christ is why we live. I don't have to feel you in on the details! But you trusting me, supporting me, stretching me, pouring into me, being patient with me, praying for me, believing in me, encouraging me, all did something in me. There's a healing taking place in me that I can't even put my finger on. There's a boldness rising in me, preparing me to be ready at all times. There's a new level of personal commitment to Christ that I received from this weekends Beautiful Cross Ministry. The anointing from the play was so great! I don't know how many people where saved, healed, recommitted or delivered this weekend. But I do know this...by the grace of God and His power in me and you, many more will be! Through Shiloh and the commitment I woke up to this morning. I believe He has released a grace for me to touch the nations in a powerful way with the gospel of Jesus Christ; starting now, in my everyday life. I pray His message of triumph will resonate boldly through my life, my faith, my words and my deeds. Thank you! Posted by RW - Treva

Be Suspicious of Suspicion

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person – 1 Corinthians 13:7 I can honestly say that obedience to this Scripture has always been a challenge for me. I was brought up to be suspicious. I was actually taught to distrust everyone, especially if they pretended to be nice, because they must want something. In addition to being taught to be suspicious of others and their motives, I had several very disappointing experiences with people, not only before I became an active Christian, but afterwards as well. Meditating on the components of love and realizing that love always believes the best has helped me greatly to develop a new mindset. When your mind has been poisoned, or when Satan has gained strongholds in your mind, it has to be renewed according to God’s Word. This is done by learning the Word and meditating (pondering, muttering to yourself, thinking on it) We have the wonderful Holy Spirit in us to remind us when our thoughts are going in the wrong direction. God does this for me when I am having suspicious thoughts instead of loving thoughts. The natural man thinks, “If I trust people, I’ll be taken advantage of.” Perhaps, but the benefits will far outweigh any negative experiences. Trust and faith bring joy to life and help relationships grow to their maximum potential. Suspicion cripples an entire relationship and usually destroys it The bottom line is this – God’s ways work; man’s ways don’t. God condemns judgment, criticism and suspicion, and so should we. Love what God loves and hate what He hates. Allow what He allows and disallow what He disallows. A balanced attitude is always the best policy. That doesn’t mean that we are not to use wisdom and discernment in our dealings with others. We don’t have to throw open our life to everyone we meet, giving every person we encounter a chance to crush us. On the other hand, we don’t have to look at everyone with a negative, suspicious eye, always expecting to be taken advantage of by others. Trust God completely and man discreetly! Extracts from “Battlefield of the mind” by Joyce Meyer

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes it’s hard to say how you feel And then it’s tough to explain what you really feel Is just plain simple But there comes a time when all you can do is say it; just how it is The dangers of being this open is that the other person sees you for whom you truly are The benefit of the matter is that you are released off the burden What’s more important anyway? Your honesty or their state of shock! Both play an important role and it’s necessary to experience both The way I see it There is a strength and a weakness in both Thought brings forth action Action brings forth fruit Just as long as the thought process is sorted out and the activity of the issue is practically practical It is a rollercoaster ride, I’ve heard some say It swirls & turns & twists & spins The kind of ride that makes your insides turn The kind of ride that brings forth freedom!

Why do people quit on us?

We work in different firms/organizations/companies etc and we see different people come and go. And you wonder why folks don’t stay in a business long enough, and why they quit. There are a few reasons: Untrustworthiness: First of all, working with someone we don’t trust is a miserable experience. We lose the trust of others; when we act inconsistently in what we say and do, seek personal gain above shared gain, withhold information, lie or tell half-truths, and become closed-minded. Trust is like a mirror; when it’s shattered, it can be pieced back together again, but the cracks are still quite obvious. Incompetence: Secondly, the way to inspire confidence in people is not with charm or charisma, but with competence. When a leader is incompetent, she takes the focus off the organization’s vision and values, and places it onto her own behavior. If people working for an incompetent leader have a high degree of skill, they continually worry about their leader messing things up. If they don’t have experience, they won’t know what to do. Either way, productivity, efficiency and morale suffer. Insecurity: Lastly, good leaders do two things; a) they develop other leaders and b) try to work themselves out of a job. Insecure leaders never do that. On the contrary, they do not want to train people to reach their potential and be more successful than they are. In fact, they don’t want them to be able to succeed without their help. Anytime someone who works for them rises too high, they actually see it as a threat. People want to work for leaders who fire them up, not put out their fire. If they perceive that their leader is more concerned with maintaining their authority and protecting their passion, they’ll eventually quit and find someone else to work for. A man who has friends, must himself be friendly – Proverbs 18:24 NKJ No matter how good a leader you are, you’ll eventually lose people. When the relationship is over, you’ll go one way and they’ll go another. Sometimes, the decision may be difficult to understand and subsequently, you’ll try to cling on to them and control them. When you can’t do that, you’ll be tempted to cut them off, isolate and criticize them. If you are this type of leader, there is good news! You CAN do things to make yourself the kind of leader people want to be around, and when the time comes for them to leave, they’ll do it looking back with joy. Six principles: 1. Take responsibility for your relationships with others. When a relationship goes bad, initiate action and try to make it better 2. When people leave you, do an exit interview with them. This helps you discern if you are the reason that they’re leaving. If so, swallow your pride, apologize and take the high road with them 3. Put value on those who work with you. It’s great when people believe in their leader; and it’s even greater when their leader believes in them! 4. Put credibility at the top of your leadership list. You may not always be capable as there are times when every leader finds herself way in over her head BUT, you can always be trustworthy 5. Recognize that your positive emotional help creates a safe and secure environment for people. Therefore, think positively, practice right conduct towards others, and follow the golden rule 6. Maintain a teachable spirit and cultivate your passion for personal growth. Keep learning so you can continue leading!

The scars of your life

It is very difficult to comprehend the things we go through. As different as our journeys are; one similarity that we hold is that we all somehow, someday have experienced trials and hopefully, some victory. It is however, hard to picture how we could have walked that dark, evil path of life. Sometimes; often times, I think back on some things that happened in my life, and I honestly cannot ever grasp how I was able to come out of that dark place. How I am able to look at myself today and really say that I am free. It is positively, absolutely, entirely by the grace of God. To take it further, our life experiences are for the freedom of others. There are people that you can reach that I will never be able to reach or register with their pains and sufferings. Why? Because your particular path of life was designed to save some. And so was mine! We’ve discussed before about how our individual lives are unique and custom-made for each one of us. In other words, each area of disappointment/hurt will bring joy to someone else’s life. Now, I will not make the mistake of assuming that those past hurts did not hurt. I know they did and probably still have certain effects on us. However, the more we stay in that space, the more hurt we are and the less liberated we’ll get; and ultimately, the more we unconsciously continue to glorify those painful instances. Have you ever talked to someone about something in your life and how you got set free from it? ……have you noticed how it brings hope to them? Because to them, if you made it, they certainly can too! If you are ready to walk in freedom and wholeness; start talking, start helping someone else get free, start proclaiming the good work that God has and is doing in you. AND if you are ready to walk in complete deliverance; get into a place of intimacy with God and see Him move in you and change you! The scars of your life will bring joy to someone else

Create Boundaries

When we look to anyone other than God to meet our needs, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Relationships work best when you establish boundaries and a budget up front. Ask truthful and honest questions like. “Where does this person belong in my life? How much am I prepared to invest in them?” These questions are very essential. WHY? Because life is too short to be spent straightening out misunderstandings, hurt feelings and damages egos. If you’re wise, you’ll avoid any relationships that leave you drained and leaves you asking. “How did I get into this?” When keeping somebody happy means shortchanging the purposes of God in your life and losing your joy, then you’re overdrawn on your budget. When somebody needs too many phone calls, dinners, loans, or any other form(s) of attention, it’s definitely time to draw the line. DO NOT allow anyone to cater to the “need to want/need someone in your life”. You have only so much time and energy. Good stewardship demands that you invest you life where there is the greatest return. When people who are too needy demand more than you have the ability or the right to give, you have got to do one of two things: 1. Renegotiate: Bankrupting yourself to make them feel good might sound dignified, but its not! Bankrupt people end up with everything from nervous breakdowns to extramarital affairs because they are overspent. At this point, prayer, a good counselor, and some good ol’ fashioned tough love may be what you need. 2. Sometimes you have to walk away! In Isaiah 50:7 (NKJV), Isaiah said: “I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed.” Make up your mind to let no one stand in the way of doing what God has called you to do. Your first calling is to please the Lord, not others.

Cast your burden on the Lord

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you – Psalm 55:22 When worry comes knocking on your door, stop it on the porch or it’ll move right in and live in your house. Give all of your weight, worries and concerns to the Lord, for you are His personal concern. God cares about the things that worry you and prey upon your thoughts. He cares about them more than you do. Not one nagging, aching, worrisome, gut-wrenching, blood-pressure-raising thought escapes His notice. He watches over you day and night. What qualifies as a worry? Simply anything that robs your joy, anything that you cannot change, anything you are not responsible for, anything that you cannot control, anything that torments you, anything that deprives you of sleep; all of THAT needs to be transferred from your worry list to your prayer list! The Bible tells us: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace” – Ph 4:6-7 (NLT). Give each worry, one by one, to God. The more you practice this, the more exciting your walk with Him will become. God is able to handle it, He is willing to handle it, and He is waiting for you to give it to Him. You’ll be amazed at how easily He handles those things that overwhelm you. If you desire to live a worry free life, then keep casting your burdens on the Lord until it becomes a habit, as natural to you as breathing.

Great Things Every Woman Needs to Remember

Hey Righteous Women, Sometimes, we tend to forget who we are and what we are capable of. We spend a whole lot of our time caring and doing for others that we lose track of our own needs. Well, if and when you get to these moments, here are a few things to remember: • You are stylish, beautiful, absolutely deserving and fabulous, creative, nurturing, and able to do anything you put your mind to. You are one of a kind, somebody's hero and so much more! • It’s time you believe in yourself, trust your instincts and listen to your gut because you are incredibly intelligent. • You work hard and deserve more recognition than you get • The world relies on people like you • Don’t forget to treat yourself with kindness • You are the best and most important friend you’ll ever have • You matter! Don’t put yourself down - compliment yourself • You are never alone, you can always ask for help • Friends can help make any situation better • What goes around come around, including all the good deeds you’ve done for others over the years • Hold on to your old friends, they are the ones you know the best • Nobody’s life is without challenges and hardships, bad days and even worse days, but everybody gets a shot at new days and second chances • You have great thoughts and ideas and they should be taken seriously • Always keep working towards your dreams….no matter how out of reach they may seem because you can do anything you set your mind to. Pursue your interests….even if no one you know shares them. Don’t let setbacks and disappointments discourage you – you have untapped reserves of inner strength • It’s ok if the house isn’t clean…take a break when you need one • Rushing around gets you nowhere fast. You can – and will – check off every item on your list…even if it takes a little more time than you like • Preserving your sanity is more important than meeting a deadline • Oh, and its ok to turn up the radio when a good song comes on • Sleep in, and do absolutely nothing. It’s a fantastic way to unwind • Having pretty things makes life more pleasant • Your mental health is just as important as your physical health...life is too short to worry • Don’t settle for “good enough”…keep learning, growing and changing • Eat pie for breakfast if you want to. Eat your fruits and vegetables, but have a little chocolate sometimes, too :) • One of my very good friends taught me this: it’s ok to say no; even when you’re afraid it’ll hurt someone’s feelings • Money does not buy happiness…the most important thing in life is love • Love your body…it’s the only one you’ve got. • Crying is a totally healthy and normal thing to do. Try is sometime • Floss, wear sunscreen, get your annual physical, relax, enjoy yourself, check your cholesterol, dance, laugh at life, balance your checkbook and put some money away for yourself. • Excess is bad, moderation is good • You CANNOT do everything by yourself • When it’s a yucky day, go shopping • You are a rare wonderful person, YOU ARE LOVED!

Abuse and its effects

Abuse is the misuse, excessive use or improper use of a person or objects; for example, abuse of money, abuse of authority, abuse of position etc. When the abuse is of a person, everyone involved suffers. Abuse is all about power. Once it’s gained, it’s extremely powerful. “The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.” ~ Edmund Burke The 4 major types of abuse are: Sexual, Emotional, Mental and Physical Sexual abuse is “rape, sexual assault or sexual molestation wherein the active person forces themselves onto the abused which may be of the same or opposite sex and of any age.” It is also referred to as molestation, that is, the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. In the event of sexual abuse, especially abuse that spans a period of time, the victim tends to experience feelings of loss of control over their own bodies and their own lives. Although there may not be any physical signs of sexual abuse – with the exception of rape, where bruises and tears may occur - there are behaviors which may indicate an occurrence of sexual abuse: • Attempts to be unattractive • Abnormal sexual knowledge • Radical mood swings • Sense of danger where he/she lives • Change in eating habits (bulimia, anorexia, or compulsive eating) • Inappropriately seductive • Apparent boredom w/age peers and age appropriate activities • Nightmares, insomnia, sleepwalking and other sleep disturbances • Radical change in school performance for better or worse • Fearful about certain people • Over achievement • Depression, crying episodes, etc. • Angry, hostile or aggressive behavior • Fear of adult or adolescent • Fear of being photographed • Anxiety reaction to authority figures • Fear of undressing or refusal to undress in gym class • Intense efforts to gain attention/affection from adults • Suicidal thinking, gestures, and attempts • Fear of nurturing/withdrawal/impaired ability to trust • Self-mutalative behavior • Self-hatred • Memory loss • Runaway • Fear of the dark • Find reasons to not be with someone they used to spend time with (or any change of behavior toward a friend or family member) • Unable to concentrate, daydreaming, 'spacing out', 'in a world of their own' • Withdrawn, isolated, or excessively worried • Nervous or fearful around adults, in particular, men • Imaginary friend(s) Victims may also react by feeling that sex and acts of sex are “dirty, wrong and unhealthy” and will avoid all intimate contact with others or they may feel that they must use sex as a way to express emotions such as love, acceptance and caring and will become involved with various sexual acts, often times developing into deviate sexual behaviors. In addition, victims of sexual abuse will need counseling in order to learn coping mechanisms for the feelings of being out of control and the attitude regarding sex and intimacy. Emotional abuse is defined as “the humiliation of a person’s feeling so that he/she perceives himself as inept/hopeless, uncared for and/or worthless.” Often times parents, caregivers or teachers will say things regarding a child's behavior, performance or skills that will make a child feel that they are “no good,” “useless,” “stupid,” or “good for nothing.” These words, whether said to a child, an adolescent or even to an adult, can harm the ego, self-esteem and self-worth of a person. Victims of emotional abuse develop feelings of shame, embarrassment and guilt as they feel they are a bother or a burden to those around them. These feelings often lead to depression, isolation and suicide. Although emotional abuse leaves no physical injuries, the damage done to the mind, heart and spirit can be extremely extensive. Emotional abuse is characterized by the abuser’s manipulation and invalidation of his or her partner. Here is a list of warning signs to be aware of: Abusive Expectations: Makes unreasonable demands; Requires constant attention, or that you spend all your free time with him/her; Constantly criticizes; No matter how much you give, it never seems to be enough. Aggressing: Calls you names, accuses, blames, threatens, or gives orders; Can be disguised as “helping” or “teaching”; Judgmental “I know best” attitude. Constant Chaos: Deliberately starts arguments and may be in constant conflict with you or with others; Treats you well in front of others, but changes into a different person when you’re alone together, or vice versa; May enjoy “drama,” because it creates excitement and brings the focus back onto him/herself. Denying: Denies your personal needs, especially when that need is greatest, and does so with the intent of hurting, punishing, or humiliating you; Denies that certain events occurred or that certain things were said; Refuses to listen or communicate (silent treatment), and withdraws emotionally; Denies your perceptions, memory, and sanity; Disallows or overrules any viewpoints, perceptions, or feelings that differ from his/her own; Causes you to lose confidence in and question your own perceptions and feelings; Causes you to doubt your most powerful survival tool: your own mind. Dominating: Manipulates the relationship so that the only feelings and opinions that count are his/her own; Must have his/her own way, and will hurt your feelings if necessary in order to get it; Holds you personally responsible for his/her own happiness; Disregards your personal standards or beliefs, and may try to persuade you to do things that you don’t want to do. Emotional Blackmail: Plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, religious values, or other “hot buttons” to get what he/she wants; May threaten to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, give you the “cold shoulder,” or use other tactics to control you. Invalidation: Seeks to distort your perceptions of your own world; Refuses to or fails to acknowledge reality in order to create his/her own false reality; If you tell your partner that you felt hurt by something he/she did or said, he/she might say, “You’re too sensitive. That shouldn’t hurt you”; Or, the abuser might turn it around by saying, “You hurt me too sometimes. I just don’t say anything because I’m understanding.”; Suggests that your emotions and perceptions are faulty and can’t be trusted; Any time your own feelings are disregarded or denied, invalidation has occurred. Minimizing: Says things like “You’re exaggerating” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”; Trivializes by suggesting that something you have communicated is inconsequential or unimportant. Unpredictable Responses: Acts angry or upset in a situation that normally would not warrant such a response, or gets angry certain times but not others; Blows up or gets angry at you over innocent comments you made; You feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around him/her; Has drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts; Likes something you do one day, but hates it the next. Verbal Assaults: Berates, belittles, criticizes, threatens, or calls you names; Subtle to blatant use of sarcasm and humiliation; Constantly finds flaws with you; Makes fun of you in front of others, or in private.

Emotional abuse often starts out very subtly, and progresses gradually over a period of time. Abusers are master manipulators, and can deceive even your friends and family – as well as their own. Trust your own feelings and perceptions. Mental abuse, also referred to as “mind games” is when one person uses another person’s insecurities, phobias and fears to “force” another to do what they wish. Withholding various items, feelings, affection, or personal and physical needs such as food, sleep, water, comfort, warmth and elimination in order to make one person do another’s command is also a means of mental abuse. Examples of mental abuse include a husband withholding children in order to force a woman to have sex with him; not allowing someone to go to sleep in an attempt to get them to confess to something or share information; not allowing a person the use of bathroom facilities due to inappropriate behavior; or forcing someone to deal with a fear – such as one of spiders or snakes – as punishment. The effects of mental abuse include depression, emotional withdraw, social isolation, self-mutilating behaviors, extremely low self esteem, addictions to drugs and alcohol, excessive anxiety, sleep disorders, or suicide. Group Questions: 1. What are some signs that you have noticed, that are forms of abuse - in your life? How have they affected you? 2. Have do you respond to those “red flags”? Are you more aware now or not?

Read and consider: If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway. If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful. If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over. If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you. If you dress sexy, he says you're too fast. If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad. When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him. If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it. If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him, If you don't, he says you don't trust him. If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're nagging. If he brings up a problem, he yells. If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted". If he breaks it, it's because "he had to". If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you up. If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.

How accurate is our mental image of ourselves?

What we see in the mirror can be different from what others perceive when they look at us. When you look at yourself in a mirror, what you see depends on the quality of that mirror. Similarly, our mental images of ourselves help determine how we react to daily highs and lows of life. If we think of ourselves as worthwhile and valued, that quality will come across to other people. Molded by both internal and external forces, our self-image makes a huge difference in how we feel and act. Think about how you would describe yourself to a stranger. Would you emphasize your keen sense of humor or physical features you're fond of? Or would you spend more time on supposed "trouble spots?" Your answer largely depends on your mental image of yourself. Why does it matter how you see yourself? Keeping our bodies healthy through proper diet and exercise improves how we feel physically and enhances our quality of life. Our mental wellness is equally vital for attaining personal fulfillment. A healthy state of mind fosters a positive self-image, which then encourages balanced relationships and sound decision-making skills [source: American Psychological Association]. But a healthy body and mind don't operate independently -- we should nurture both because they affect each other. In a study of teenage girls' self-image, participants who rated themselves as socially unpopular were 69 percent more likely to gain weight than those who considered themselves popular [source: Psychiatric Annals]. What are the elements that create our self-image? Focus often turns to how we compare our bodies to ideal physiques. But body image is just one part of the complete picture. Our personal experiences, relationships, choices and attitudes all contribute to the whole. It's essentially how we evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, as well as how we define our character. http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-image.htm

Don’t Be Blindsided by the Teen Years

Forwarded to RW....

Parents with children in the “tween” years should pat themselves on the back for a job well done! After a decade of protecting and nurturing their growing child, parenting can become easier at this time. But they would be wise to consider this breather period as a time to prepare for the often turbulent teen years and make the appropriate adjustments in their parenting style.

When your child reaches the ”tween” years, parenting can seem to smooth out and become easier, but those who have been through this stage might call it, “the calm before the storm.” The parent of a “tween-ager” may be tempted to think, “Why change the way I relate to my child, since things are going so well right now?” Here’s why…in a year or two your teen will begin to earnestly seek independence. They will spend more time away from you and your home, and they’ll become influenced by their culture and friends.

When kids begin thinking and reasoning for themselves, their parents may realize too late that they haven’t properly shifted their own parenting style to accommodate for a more self-willed and self-sufficient child. They can therefore be surprised and dismayed at the rift it creates in their relationship.

Lacking a strong relationship with parents, teenagers who are spending more time away from home begin thinking they are in control and that their parents are irrelevant and totally out of sync with them and the world. A parent who hasn’t learned to shift their style of parenting will see their child pull away from them at this time. To their dismay, they’ll see their teen making immature decisions that can lead them down the wrong path in life.

To prevent your child from pulling away from you, here are a few suggestions for changing your parenting style for the next decade of your child’s life. Implementing these suggestions will provide a more stable line of defense by keeping you and your teen in a closer relationship; minimizing the possibility you’ll be blindsided by the storms of adolescence.

Change 1: Give Your Teen Room to Decide on Their Own, Within Boundaries First, realize that your child no longer needs or wants you to control their every move. So major on the majors and avoid hovering over your teen. Demanding that they follow your lead is counterproductive to their maturing process. It gets in the way of the greater goal of teaching them how to think for themselves and it can spoil the opportunity for them to flex their options-seeking and decision-making muscles. So, allow them to learn how to solve their own problems through finding their own answers. Don’t force your opinions or directives on them about the less significant matters in their life. Establish and enforce age-appropriate and moral boundaries to corral their behavior, but within those boundaries, allow them to make most of their own decisions. They will probably not make the right decisions at first, but failing a few times will teach them the right answer or at least to seek other alternatives the next time. Your job in the teen years is not to hawk over them and rescue them, as you did when they were younger, but to guide and encourage them.

Change 2: Focus on Building Character More than Demanding Obedience Secondly, change the focus and intent of your rules from protection to character-building. The most important character-building qualities your child will develop include keeping commitments and living honestly and respectfully. So, set up boundaries and rules in regard to these qualities, and seek out situations where character can be developed. For example, help them find a job where they will be held accountable for arriving on time. Let them volunteer and help those less fortunate while at the same time taking on leadership and responsibility. Assign the strongest penalties and consequences for character misjudgments, such as displays of disrespect, lying and cheating.

Change 3: Listen Twice as Much as You Speak I see two extremes in the way many parents listen, and neither one is very helpful. A parent might listen carefully, but then react to every word that comes out of their teen’s mouth. Or, a parent assumes they already know what their child is thinking, and ignores what they say entirely. As difficult as it can be to hear what your teen is really thinking, I believe it is better to know it than to not know it. However, knowing it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to react or respond immediately. Sometimes your teen is just “thinking out loud” in an attempt to process a difficulty they are experiencing. If you are guilty of not really listening, you may see your teen baiting you and picking fights just to try to get you to understand what’s going on in their life — at a deeper level. And if you miss what they are really trying to say, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.

But listening only works if you find ways to keep in touch. That’s why I recommend connecting with your teen periodically when they are out of the house, and requiring a breakfast or lunch meeting once a week, just to hear them out. Connect with them in all the ways that they connect with their friends — through texting, email, social media, and cell phone. Make it comfortable and fun for your teen to bring friends home, so you can get to know them and they you.

Ask your teen questions and don’t give your opinion until you are invited to do so. Show them you value their opinion. Zip your lip and open your ears, even if it makes for an uncomfortable silence. It is a simple concept with staggering ramifications for a child who has for the first decade of their life looked to you for leading the discussion and giving all the answers.

Change 4: Teach Them How to Weigh the Options Parents are sometimes so intent on passing along their values and beliefs that they send the wrong message to their teen – one that says, “I know better than you, so your opinion doesn’t matter.” One sure way to set up a power struggle with your teen and a rift in your relationship is to make them feel that their opinions are stupid, or that some things cannot discussed with you. A more productice way to respond to a teen’s rash conclusions is by saying, “I understand what you’re saying, but might there be other options?” The more you ask thoughtful questions, the more your teen will learn to think through their other options, rather than acting on the first idea that comes to mind. Teaching a teen to weigh the options and foresee the results is a valuable tool they’ll use again and again throughout their life. Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself. – Max Lucado More on this topic go to www.parentingtodaysteens.org to listen online or subscribe to the free audio feeds. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and executive director of Heartlight, a residential program for struggling adolescents. Mark’s blog can be read at www.markgregston.com. His daily radio programs can be heard at www.parentingtodaysteens.org. Mark on Facebook.

What are your limitations?

There is nothing more frustrating to me like seeing a Christian that is not living out their full potential in God. This is one of the reasons I believe, why the Christian experience for some is boring, old and stale. What is it for some Christians that hold them back from being who they are TRULY supposed to be? And doing what they are created to do? There is totally more to you than just who you see! Fear: Some of us are just afraid of making the step. We know what we are supposed to do but we simply lack the faith to carry out the course of action. Maybe we fear that we will lose other things that we have already started, or lose other things that we do have control over. Self-Consumption: Some of us get so tied up in ourselves that we lack the freedom to be released into our God-given ministry. We get so consumed with our relationships, our economic status, our single living, our titles at work, our marital status, our different responsibilities, our roles in our families etc. that we fail to see anything else beyond those very moments we are in. Perfection: Some of us are waiting for the perfect day to step out of our caves a.k.a. comfort zones. We will not make a move until everything on our to-do list is fulfilled: we cannot afford to make a mistake, so we spend a long time anticipating the day of perfection. Or maybe we have all the plans set out: all our ducks are in one row; our mission statements & visions are written out, bound and framed; and all we need is the perfect day to start! Luke 19:13 - Occupy till I come If we are not doing what we need to be doing, then the scripture above will be in vain. The bible clearly tells us what to do until the Lord comes again. But somehow we feel that His return is in the far future, when on the contrary, it’s nearer than ever! Wherever you are right now, although it is a good place, is merely a stepping stone to a greater place in God. The higher we get in God, the closer we are in completing our walk with God. It’s like a ladder of continuous progression. My only prayer for us is that we are always going up, and not the other way around! It’ll be sad to die today, go to heaven (hopefully, for us all), and discover that you hadn’t finished your duty on earth. We need to come out of our shells, snap out of the moment, and get to work! Consider after getting that promotion at work, and then neglecting the very job that promoted you. Or after getting married, and then neglecting the work of the very God that gave you the married life. Or after buying that dream house, and then all you do is live in it (day in, day out) and never do anything with the house that God gave you. No one else will do your job but you! It’s time to wake up ladies! The word of God in Luke 19:13 requires of us to be busy with ourselves, to get into business, to do the things that really matter, to work with practice, to accomplish tasks, to collect dues, to commit to work, to carry out deeds, to do exactly what we need to do, to occupy and occupy repeatedly and regularly. AMEN!

Crucial Skills: Confronting a Sick Colleague

The recent H1N1 situation illustrates the importance of motivating someone to do something they may not want to do. What can we learn about motivation from looking at the situation where people are sick but feel obligated to come to work? There are a few key concepts that provide the foundation for this discussion. Consequences Motivate. There are consequences that occur naturally, and there are consequences that are imposed or enforced by others. People make decisions to act based on the consequences they anticipate. As a result, motivation is personal because people see and anticipate different consequences. Almost subconsciously, people assess the positive and negative consequences that are most likely to occur and then they act based on those assumptions. Help Others See Consequences. We can motivate others by helping them see both the obvious and the more obscure consequences. In your situation, this includes consequences to self, to coworkers, to patients, to coworkers' and patients' families, to finances, to reputation, and to the quality of work. When we help others see and feel the consequences, people can change their desire to act in certain ways. So let's separate some of the issues in this case. For example, the manager is aching and coughing and trying to decide if she should go to work. What are the consequences of staying home? Positive consequences are that she will feel better physically. Sipping hot chocolate and lounging around the fireplace sounds pretty good. Also, she won't get anyone else sick. However, she's not sure she's that sick and she assumes the probability of getting someone else sick is fairly low. Negative consequences include not getting paid because she has exceeded her paid time off. This is particularly glaring because she has several bills that are due. She will also miss two meetings because delaying them is impossible. Catching up when she returns will be next to impossible. And while some people might have bad thoughts about her coming to work sick, she can probably avoid these people. Even if she doesn't avoid them, they probably won't speak up any way. The combined value of the anticipated consequences makes the decision easy. If she goes to work, she will get paid, get important work done, and it is highly unlikely she will get anyone sick. More importantly, no one will say anything to discourage her decision. Take note that for a doctor, the financial and productivity consequences might be even more costly and the likelihood that anyone would speak up to the doctor is almost nil. So, as someone who cares about the consequences of spreading germs, what do you do? Here is some advice. First: Manage expectations as a group around not coming in when sick. Excellent performance begins with clear expectations. When we make agreements, we often agree on the who, the what, and the how; but we would improve motivation if we focused on the why. Have a discussion about the reasons you are making this agreement and clarify the possible positive and negative consequences. Why should people not come to work when they are sick? Why should they get immunized? Look at it from the perspective of the sick person. What will they lose? What will they gain? What will happen to colleagues and patients? In addition to sharing the facts, share real stories of what happened in your hospital. Share the story of the nurse who picked up a virus at work and passed it on to her mother who was now in the intensive care unit. Where did the problem start? Usually with colleagues who came to work when they were sick. Also, talk about the financial consequences or about the trust that might be lost if a colleague makes a commitment. Helping people understand and feel the weight of both clear and obvious consequences helps them make more balanced decisions. Second: Agree to hold one another accountable. As a part of your discussion, agree to hold each other accountable and speak up to individuals who come to work sick. Part of that agreement should be that everyone will talk in a way that is safe and professional; they will try to understand and help. Speaking up and holding others accountable is not just the boss's job; it is everyone's job. When we make agreements, clarify expectations, outline natural consequences, and feel able and motivated to speak up, we reap the benefits of having a crucial confrontation. The difference between good teams and organizations and the best teams and organizations is how rapidly and respectfully problems get resolved. Individuals in these teams don't let issues fester and they don't let issues destroy relationships. They quickly and respectfully put them on the table and reach a resolution. **Forwarded by a top employer at a business firm**

9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men

Sitting across the table from my beautiful friend in the quaint coffee shop, my worry mounted. She was sharing details about her new whirlwind relationship that had begun a couple months earlier. “I finally met that guy I’ve been talking to on the Internet. After calling and text messaging constantly for the last two months, we decided to take it the next level—so we met half way last weekend. It was amazing. He’s perfect for me! He is so kind, smart, funny, dynamic … he is too good to be true!” Exactly! I thought to myself. “And did I mention he is financially secure? Not that money is important.” Her apparent excitement said the opposite. “Is he a Christian?” “We met at an online matchmaking site!” “Is everyone on that a Christian?” “Well … he hasn’t really been going to church—but he definitely loves God.” Saddam Hussein claims to love God. “How do you know that?” “He told me so! I just know God brought us together.” “You’ve only known him for two months. Why do you think God brought him into your life?” I had to pinch myself under the table not to sound condescending. “Because … it just feels so right when we talk. We have so much in common. He really loves me.” Oh, oh. I can see we’re in trouble now. … “So … since he’s such a great Christian guy, I’m sure he didn’t try to get you to sleep with him. I mean, he’s protecting your purity and all, right?” I had a bad feeling about this guy already. My cynicism was beginning to show. “Well … he’s not legalistic about it. I mean, we are adults and he said as long as we’re committed to each other it’s the same as being married.” Her own convictions had seemingly evaporated overnight. “So if you know each other so well, what are his weaknesses?” Besides not being a Christian, trying to get you into bed at the first chance, and being a liar. “He might be just a little bit compulsive. Is it normal for a guy to ask you to take off your shoes before you get into his car? But I guess I don’t mind too much … he has so many other great qualities, what could be so bad about that?” I’d had conversations like this with women dozens of times. In fact, for most of my own life, I was the one lying to myself. If anyone knew the lies women tell themselves to justify getting into bad relationships that led to bad marriages, it was me. And now, my precious friend, the one with whom I had discussed these lies with over and over, was falling into them much too easily. I began to pray that she would see the truth before it was too late. What about you? If you are still trying to hold out for God’s best but you find yourself identifying with some of the conversation above, read on. It’s not too late for you to begin identifying the lies you tell yourself so that you can avoid an empty marriage and shattered dreams. LIE #1: A Christian man must be God’s best choice of a mate for me. First of all, just because a man calls himself a Christian doesn’t mean a thing about his spiritual condition. Hitler probably professed to be a nice guy. What really shows a man’s faith is action—not trying to get you into bed until you are both wearing a ring; initiating his own personal relationship with God and encouraging yours as well; and especially holding his feelings back in the relationship to allow God to lead. God’s choice of a mate for you is going to be a godly man, and if you listen, God will tell you through an active prayer life and the counsel of other godly influences whether this is the one He has picked out for you. LIE #2: If it feels right, it is right. Feelings are unreliable. Don’t trust them, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Feelings change day by day, and they can lie to you. Women who rely on them to make important decisions are going to be extremely disappointed, making one mistake after another. The decision must be made objectively and prayerfully. Sexual sin in the relationship will cloud objectivity and good judgment. LIE #3: I can overlook a few character problems (a.k.a. red flags)—no one is perfect. If a man has glaring character defects, it is likely that he is not teachable. Teachability is the number one character trait you should look for in a potential mate. I am not talking about normal struggles or mistakes, but habit pattern sins or dysfunctions that control their lives and that they are not open and contrite about. If a man is teachable, he will humbly listen to God and to his future wife when making decisions. He will be willing to work at his future marriage. LIE #4: I really know him after spending so much time talking to him. Phone and heart-to-heart conversations are no substitute for real life situations. He can tell you anything you want to hear while hiding behind a phone. But get him with his family, or behind a rude driver, or at a restaurant getting poor service, and then you begin to see what kind of a person he really is. A wise woman will wait it out awhile to observe his responses in every possible difficult and awkward situation. LIE #5: He always tells me the truth. If you think that then you don’t know most men in this world. Most men are very good at telling women what they want to hear in order to get what they want—sex. Pressure for sex from a “Christian man” should be the number one indicator of a dishonest man with underlying bad intentions and hidden motives. LIE #6: Coincidences are a sign from God. Satan, the master liar and counterfeiter, is cooking up coincidences to get you off track, so beware! He doesn’t want you to wait for God’s best. He wants to handicap your services for the Kingdom by getting you to settle for a miserable and empty marriage. Ask for godly counsel from objective bystanders, pray hard, and stay intent upon God’s will and not your own. LIE #7: It’s normal for him to pressure me for sex. That’s just how men are. True godly men live to please God and not their own selfish desires. They honor women as the treasure they are, treating them with absolute purity as Jesus would have done. They care more about the purity of their Christian sisters than a quick thrill for the moment. Sex before marriage is a sin and if a guy is pressuring, he doesn’t care about what God thinks and he doesn’t care about you either. LIE #8: There are many quality romantic perfect men out there, just like in the movies. Women have so filled their minds (and hearts) with Hollywood ideals about men, two tragedies have resulted. First, no man could ever live up to that fictitious standard so they are unfairly compared and criticized. Secondly, a woman in the beginning stages of a relationship can tend to fill in missing information about a man with imagined ideals before she even knows him. She ends up “falling in love” with an idea, not a person. When the man begins to show signs of human weakness, she is disappointed but holds onto the relationship hoping the man she first imagined will return. The few real quality men out there are the ones who are living to please God. You will need God’s help to find them. LIE #9: When I find a man and get married, I will finally feel happy and complete. If that’s true, why are so many women getting divorced (or wishing they were)? Why do Hollywood stars ditch beauties for someone else? The truth is, you will only feel happy and complete when you let God be your first love. No man—especially one who is not God’s best for you—will even come close. When the excitement wears off (and it will), you will feel more alone than when you were single. By telling ourselves the truth, we have every chance to find the very best man that God wants to give us. A great example is my friend. She ended up getting out of that wrong relationship and listening to God for direction in her dating life. A few weeks ago, I attended her wedding. Just before she walked down the isle, she closed the door of the little room behind the three of us. “We need you to say a prayer for us,” her eyes radiated happiness. It was the beautiful sentiments of the groom—God’s best for her—that showed the day to be what I had hoped for her all along. “Yes, please pray for us. It’s the only way to begin our lives together. The day just won’t be right without it.” I couldn’t have agreed more. Julie Ferwerda Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer © Julie Ferwerda. Used with permission. All right reserved. This article first appeared on CBN.com. Julie is the author of The Perfect Fit: Waiting for God’s Best After Failed Relationships and has written articles for other publications such as Marriage Partnership, Brio & Beyond, HomeLife, Discipleship Journal, and Revolve III Biblezine Project for teen girls. To order the book or to find out more go to http://www.julieferwerda.com/.

Religion vs Relationship

Ever talk to someone about the Lord and they want nothing to do with the very mention of God/church/or church folk? Ever wonder why? Most of the time, the reason why we get this kind of reaction from people is either because they have had a bad experience with church or because all their lives, that is all they've heard and they are just about sick of it. The main reason why you hit a roadblock here with certain people is because they have either never had a relationship with God or they once did and have now lost it. What they really remember is a religious experience. Religion will kill us. Anything that you do out of routine will eventually tire you and wear you out. You’ll hang in there for little minute but soon thereafter, you’ll get bored, uninterested and fed up. On the other hand, relationships sustain us. Anything that you invest in, and an investment is reciprocated towards you, will encourage you. It’ll persuade you to do more and it’ll give you confidence in that relationship. In other words, when you are in a relationship with someone, anyone; you give your part and the other person gives theirs. And sometimes, the other person goes the extra mile! In a human relationship, we definitely see this happen. In a spiritual relationship with our heavenly Father, all God requires of us is our worship - our heart, our devotion, our adoration; and He does the rest. He blesses us, keeps us, protects us, provides for us, and fights on our behalf. Religion = formality, rituals, rules and regulations, going through the motions, day-in day-out living, same routine. Relationship = full of surprises, selfless, new, original, fresh and exciting, brings joy, allows you to be yourself.

A Unique, Complex & Customized Creation

Have you ever run into someone that reminds you of someone else? Have you ever talked to a co-worker, a stranger, a friend, an adopted family member, or anyone....and seen that they did 1 or 2 things that reminded you of someone else you know? We even say to the person; Oh my goodness, you are just like ________(fill in the blank), or you remind me of my _______, or my ________ does the exact same thing, or my ________ is just that same way! Now, in as much as someone else triggers the resemblance of another person; they are NOT and NEVER going to be exactly that person. In other words, each person is a unique, complex, and customized creation. God created each one of us with intention and specifics. The only image you and I are replicated as, is God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Comforter - The Holy Spirit: all 3 of Him. (Genesis 1:26..Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness) There are numerous verses in the bible that certify our uniqueness in God and our creation in Him. (Psalm 139:13...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb) (Jeremiah 1:5...Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee...) Understanding this should not only bring confidence that you are exceptional and the only one of your kind; but it ought to boost you up for greatness. Greatness, in everything you do, in everywhere you go and with everyone you meet. You are an entire body of greatness! Whatsoever God has put in you, has to be manifested by you alone! If you are not being yourself, then who is? NO ONE! You are complex: You are multifaceted. You are a personality of distinctive emotions. You have different expressions according to different moods, depending on the different days. Just COMPLEX! But its great! :) You are customized: You are just the way you needed to be; with your own tailored strengths and weaknesses. You are made in the right fabric of mind, will and emotions. You are God's personalized special creation. You are His workmanship.

Reason, Season and/or Lifetime

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. So, whether someone has been in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime; be thankful that they were actually a part of your life. Posted by another "Righteous Woman", ~ Houston, Texas

Bring, Swap and Relax!

Ladies, our first meeting is coming soon and here are some things we'll be discussing. What are some of the ways you relax? What do you do when you need to get away? Do you REALLY relax? When was the last time you had some good rest and/or sleep? What are some of your tips on relaxing? Bring a relaxation basket/bag with you.....of ways you would like to relax or ways that you do relax. It could be your favorite CD, your favorite body scrub, a gift certificate to a spa treatment, some candles, body lotion or shower gel set, a good book, manicure and/or pedicure gift certificate, aromatherapy basket, tickets to a show, your favorite snack & beverage, movie & popcorn, your favorite make-up set or whatever else that you do to get away/relax. GET CREATIVE! Bring a basket to share, swap a basket with someone else, then go home and relax away! Saturday, Feb. 13th - 11:30-1:30pm Visit our facebook & twitter. Email: arighteouswoman@ymail.com Be a friend on www.facebook.com Follow us on: www.twitter.com/arighteouswoman

Happy New Year Ladies!

Well, here we are again! At the very beginning of the new year. This is usually where we start thinking of different things:

• Where am I now?
• Is this where I wanted to be?
• I really need to lose some weight this year?
• Why don't I have any friends?
• Why am I not married yet? My clock is ticking...
• What plan does God have for me?
• Is this really the job I want?
• I need to move to another state and get away
• I need a vacation
• Where are all my good friends?
• I really need to go back to school
• I need to do something to make him propose? This is my year!

etc, etc, etc. While these are all good intentions, I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves. Now, its good to have goals and aspirations, however, its better to pursue tangible and feasible dreams. So, ok for me...for the past year, I have wanted to lose like 10-15 pounds and I am not the type to go to the gym (AT ALL) but I know that this is one of the ways to accomplish this goal. So, what do I do? Obviously, in as much as I despise the gym and have no motivation for working out...I realize that if I am serious about achieving this goal, I will have to brace myself and change some things. My point is, my focus needs to change from the big pressure of losing weight, to the small milestones of changing my diet and exercising somehow each week. You may have an entirely different goal in mind: maybe you want to be in a relationship...well, there are different things you may need to change (your focus, your attitude, your perspective on life, your perspective about men, your expectations, etc). Or maybe you want to buy a home..well, you might want to take a look at your expenses, your options, your credit report, your loan options) and see what steps you need to take. New year resolutions are HUGE pressures, in my experience because the always come annually; but small milestones are attainable daily. Check us out on: www.twitter.com/arighteouswoman www.facebook.com